Well obviously, you KNOW how we got Tobey Jude....if you don't you probably shouldn't be reading this blog, haha. But this may explain the attachment that I had with Tobey ( even before his diagnosis).
I thought long and hard about whether or not I wanted to put this in writing, even though it was years ago, it is still hard and painful to talk about. But Tobey only slept about 3 hours last night, and it left me with time to think about the journey that I have been on with that precious boy....so now I want to share that.
In 2003 I was attending Ancilla to start a degree in nursing and found out about 3 weeks after school started that I was pregnant, we had 3 girls and 1 boy...I was in hopes of a brother for Edwin. Of course I was focused on the baby being healthy ( Alison was very sick at birth, that is another blog), and we were pretty excited. So we went to the Dr., got the ultrasound and everything looked good. But then the next appointment, things did not look as good....and after several tests we were told that the baby was alive, but the chances were very slim that we would make it to term. We went home and discussed what to do...I had already had 2 miscarriages, so we just thought that nature would take care of it. Unfortunately, things dragged on...week after week we carried that pregnancy. Every ultrasound was the same...the baby is not developing but there is still a heartbeat. It got awkward explaining that yes we were pregnant, but no...there won't be a baby. Our marriage suffered, it got to a point where it was hard for Eddie to even look at me...it was devastating to our whole family. I didn't want to put up decorations, I quit school...I just shut down. Finally, we were told that the baby had passed away, and we were told that if she weighed a certain weight that we would have to plan services. She was 2 oz. under....so they simply put her in a container and left it on a table in my room. I cried for days, some of it was a relief that the nightmare was done.
We were told when we could try again, and it happened the first month we tried. I knew that I wanted another baby...and we were so blessed to have it happen so quickly. But, then the problems started...we found out that we were pregnant in the ER, because I simply couldn't walk. I had several broken discs in my back. And then the Diabetes, first time I ever got that. And then my blood pressure, because of pain was through the roof. I spent the entire pregnancy laying down...not even physically able to stand or even sit. Finally after months of physical therapy, we were finally able to induce! So, in we went to have our Tobey....well, the little guy makes nothing easy. So we had to do a c-section because of him being to active and turning all the time. So, finally the 7 lb, 13 oz beautiful boy was in my arms.
But then, I started getting fever and pain...and then I started having illusions...I called the OB, constantly being told that this was normal....Finally I got a different OB, and found out that I had a staph infection, that was so severe it went to the brain ( hence, the illusions). So after several surgeries, blood transfusions and every antibiotic I could be on....I finally got to go home to see that precious boy, with a hole in me that you could put a football in. I had to go through these Dakin's treatments that are bleach and saline that is packed into the wound. Eddie would put Tobey in his bassinet so I could watch him and not think about the pain. It worked like a charm, he was the only thing that could make me smile.
I told Eddie countless times, that after everything I went through he had better be the perfect child. You know, no nights of staying up crying, or problems in the teenage years. That was the hardest part I think about finding out that he was Autistic, in my mind I went through too much to have him, and then it just seemed cruel to see him suffer with Autism...I felt that it just wasn't fair.
But, I would do it all again for him....he is the most amazing little boy that has brought me sleepless nights, and he is not perfect. But to me? He is just a miracle that can make me laugh when I am sad. Can make me be patient when I am at my wits end, and has brought our family closer together, so I guess I did get my perfect boy, he is perfect for us....
So, that is the story of how we got the the Tobey Jude....by the way I forced Eddie to make his middle name Jude on the way to the C-section...he wanted his middle name to be Grey....can you imagine Tobey Grey? That name would not make a good blog...
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