Temple Grandin

http://video.search.yahoo.com/video/play?n=21&ei=utf-8&tnr=20&p=temple+grandin+ted&vid=217586664870&dt=30095692&l=1183&turl=http%3A%2F%2Fts3.mm.bing.net%2Fvideos%2Fthumbnail.aspx%3Fq%3D217586664870%26id%3D753c818507dcecd6733990e653be676c%26bid%3DcuwLsod5zpBLAA%26bn%3DThumb%26index%3Dch1%26url%3Dhttp%253a%252f%252fbalancedhealingarts.wordpress.com%252f2010%252f05%252f08%252ftemple-grandin-speaks-at-ted%252f&rurl=http%3A%2F%2Fbalancedhealingarts.wordpress.com%2F2010%2F05%2F08%2Ftemple-grandin-speaks-at-ted%2F&tit=Temple+Grandin+Speaks+At+TED&sigr=12h02lfro&newfp=1

I have had several messages asking me about Temple Grandin because of the movies huge win at the Emmy's. After going through several interviews this was the best, but it is 20 minutes long! I am so happy that this amazing woman is getting the attention and praise that she deserves, And looking forward to not having to explain who she is every time I talk about her. So, enjoy seeing how an Autistic mind works!

By the way, one reason that I adore her so much is that she is very much like Edwin, and this is how he thinks!

Holstein news....

Well, our little trooper is doing great and the family has survived the trauma of August 2010! To be honest though August has been a tough month for us so, I will be glad to say goodbye to it!

Tobey has had some health issues this month that I would be a very happy person if I never have to see that again! He has had a real good week this week though.

The car breaking down was not a barrel of laughs, I am so glad that Eddie was able to fix it and save us some major money!

There has been the start of school, and ALL the school age kids had some major changes this year. Lena had to switch classes for the first time, and yesterday she received her first detention (she is excited, guess who the teacher is....) and Alison going to middle school was a scary thing for her, she has done well. Edwin and Olivia switching schools though has gone very well and Tobey going to Lifeskills has been the biggest adjustment. With all those changes the kids have been doing great, and we are still sane!

I finally got a chance yesterday to talk to Alison about Melody's accident, she is still upset about it. Even though I had the speech prearranged in my mind, it just wasn't coming out right. Eddie had to take over, and I think that we finally got it in her head that it was an accident, we were never mad at her, and Melody is fine! We also talked to Lena to let her know that it was simply a freak accident and probably happening to a kid as we speak.

Emily, being the little mother she is, has not left Melody's side. She does everything for her. Melody has caught on to this already and milking this for all it's worth. Yesterday, I noticed her tell Emily that she couldn't get her blanket. Emily was across the room, the blanket was on Melody's feet. I am going to give her another day or 2 of this, and then she is back in the game!

I have learned a few things from all of this though. I worry quite a bit that my kids will not be close to each other. Neither Eddie or I are close to our siblings. But when I came home to what should have been a sleeping house at 10:30 pm on a school night, I walked into all the kids but Tobey standing in the living room to greet Melody. It was so neat to see that, but the love lasted only 2 minutes because they needed their sleep! I now realize that I have some of the coolest kids in the world. I also realized how much 1 injury just changes the dynamics of a home. We are used to revolving around Tobey, but this has been a huge change. I have had to leave the Tobey care to Eddie more and the homework stuff with Lena. I think I finally seen that maybe I don't need to control EVERYTHING, there are other people here.

So, I am ready for September to come and say Hello! We are defiantly going to the Blueberry fest this weekend, so I am looking forward to that, we are in hopes of seeing some old friends there, so that will be great!

So, as this comes to a close...I have 2 last things to say. I apologize if this is not one of the best written blog entries on the planet. I have had about 4 hours sleep in the past 2 days. And also, I have gotten some of the most amazing notes and messages on facebook about our family and prayers for our Melody. I am humbled by everything you guys have said, and THANK YOU!! I am saving everyone of them! Thank you for taking the time to do that, I appreciate it more than you will ever know!

The Picnic..*dramatic theme*

It is simply impossible for us to go under the radar, 7 kids, one on a leash, I tell my life story on a blog....we do not blend into the background....I am getting used to that, I tell Eddie when we get the TLC show (ha) that we must get used to it. He says that our family life could not handle him becoming an instant sex symbol....I think we would muddle through somehow...

Anyway, we dropped the boys' off at respite, you know that place we take the boys' so we can get a break and headed off to have fun with the 5 girls. I was looking forward to some stress free time. Our Pastor kindly helped us out with the line, the kids were all happy to enjoy time without the boys, and playing at the park after they gorged themselves with food! And then I looked at Alison swinging really high, Emily swinging, Lena swinging, Olivia on the slide and no Melody....I am not panicking but concerned and thought that I should tell Alison to be careful swinging so high and headed over to tell her to slow down and find Melody....Well, let's just say that we killed to birds with one stone... Alison slowed down on the swing when the swing struck Melody with full force to her forehead! Lena jumped off the swing and let out this scream that I wish I could forget, she picks up Melody and I run over and all I see is blood all over that little face. I got her from Lena and then remembered that Eddie and the insurance cards and the cell is with him, and he is picking up the boys from respite. Of course, our poor Pastor Sam, the guy who probably wants to change his number every time I call...was the person I ran to. Now, I have told you before how amazing our Church is and how loving they are...you are about to hear it again.

I immediately had a trained nurse take over and got pressure on her head, now I am usually good with medical stuff....but when you see your child's skull...all rationality has left your body! I probably would have just kept carrying her around screaming my head off. But everyone just took over, there was no asking them...I immediately had someone with Emily, there was someone calming Alison, some keeping Olivia away from seeing Melody, and even someone met Eddie at the car to warn him of what he was about to see. A guy, gave up his shirt to help stop the bleeding, someone was wiping blood off of me, and trying to calm me down...I was worse than Melody. Sam, called 911 and then came a firetruck and ambulance...off we went.

Melody liked the ambulance ride, the firefighter Mike gave her a bear...the ER though, holy cow...gaping wound on a 3 year old and we had a 2 hour wait! I was starting to get upset, but not gutsy enough to be mean. I was feeling sorry for myself, feeling angry that they were making us wait, crying because the whole situation was overwhelming. And then I seen a family be told that a loved member had just died. Whoa, who am I to be feeling sorry for myself when I know things could have been so much worse. I prayed for that family, I prayed that I learn to be thankful for every minute I have with my family, even if it is sitting in the ER and being the only people not wearing pajama pants.

After what seemed like a lifetime we made our way back into a room, and feeling like we won the freaking lottery! We found out that she needed 22 stitches, some of them internal to put the muscle back together. After applying the topical numbing stuff which was called lead, no joke! She fell asleep and was the perfect patient, no crying or even whining. We found out that we had a 50/50 chance of a brain injury with this kind of trauma with the force of it, and her age. We are so blessed!

Today, Melody is getting lot's of love and tons of attention and running all over the place, even though I wish I could strap her to a bed! She is awesome, we are blessed and our Church ROCKS!!!!

So, even though we were trying to go under the radar, we interrupted the entire picnic, freaked out a ton of people, and Pastor Sam didn't get to do the relay race...I have been called a hero for saving everyone from that one though! As, my husband always says...that is how we roll!

I also want to say that I have no idea of everyone who helped, to be honest I may have never met you....but THANK YOU for being there, for helping our family yet again, I LOVE each and everyone of you Living Stoner's!

So, here is my piece of advice for the day....stay away from the swings!

I Need Your Help....

http://www.kintera.org/faf/donorreg/donorpledge.asp?ievent=347578&supId=298517836&msource=boundlessfun

This is going to get deep here, so if you are looking for the happy-go- lucky Melissa, I will do a second blog today....here it goes....

On September 11th, Eddie, the magnificent 7,and I are going to Fort Wayne to walk for Autism.

Obviously you know Autism is near and dear to my heart, having 2 sons on the spectrum is something that I struggle with every day of my life.

I know that I as a person tend to look at the bright side of things, and I am thankful for everything I have but being honest here there is a lot of things that have to do with Autism that frankly suck.

First off you "lose" your children to a world that they may never escape from, you have your life run not by you, but by therapy, countless Dr. appointments and IEP meetings....The financial part alone is devastating, Eddie and I will probably never own a home because of the medical bills for the boys. A day that you have planned on for months may suddenly have to be canceled because of seizures or meltdowns, or worse.

There is no cure, only treatments...one thing that works for Edwin will never work for Tobey. You are grasping at straws constantly trying and praying for that magic cure.

If you have never had anyone in your family with Autism, consider yourself lucky that you have never had to deal with a condition that will never go away, that has broken families and devastated parents....But if you have ever laughed or cried while reading this blog that you have been affected by Autism and I need your help. If you can donate, please go to the link above....I know things are tough out there right now, but I would appreciate it. If you can't donate I understand, but if you could pray for the families or join that facebook fan page for awareness, or not look down on that family who looks like they can't control their child....that will be awesome too. You don't know what path they are on....

If I never hear about another family that just found out that their child is on the spectrum I would be thrilled! Unfortunately that is not the case, it is becoming more and more prevalent all the time. It is tough to put in words how it feels to find out what it is like to find out that there is something wrong with your child or children but, here is my attempt...

Once they say that word to you...."your son has Autism..." you hear no more words. You immediately go to this place in your head that takes you to all those bad places. First you think of everything that your child will never do.....play football, date, talk, live on their own, college, kids, marriage, dances....You then see yourself as that family, your whole perspective on life changes. Your thoughts of what college that you wanted them to go to, turns into...will he ever talk to me? You have huge decisions to make, that affect your child's life that you just wish someone would jump in and tell you what to do....and no one does. You are alienated by not only friends who don't know what to tell you but also your family, whom you need to tell you that everything is OK...but they can't see past the diagnosis. You enter a circle that you never seen yourself enter.....other parent's who have special needs children. And even though, you fight it for a while....you know that for your sanity and your child's best chance in life that is where you need to be....you find a home there. And then you get up everyday and hope that it is a good day, and you thank God...sometimes on your knees if it is.

Blame my husband......

Today, instead of doing my errands and having tons of fun with Emily and Melody painting the town red (where did that saying come from?). I am sitting at the computer and would kinda like to kill my husband! Why? You may ask? Well, my friends he is on his way to the auto parts store on his bike. Why, is he going to the auto parts store? Because of his ridiculous need of adventure of running out of gas. Every week on Friday, I stress the entire way to the gas station as the worlds biggest vehicle dies at every stop light and sign between here and 7-11. To him, it is the ultimate Urban Adventure...to me it is udder embarrassment...I keep my head low to avoid eye contact with the people who pull up to the side of me...I hold onto the handle of the door, for some unknown reason (unless it is my sub-conscious way of not smacking him). I get extremely religious....Please God, just let us make it there 1 more time...I will be a better person, I swear.

It is not always a matter of money, sometimes it is, let's be honest...but there has been times with cash in hand and he runs out. I say "Eddie, really? We ran out of gas?" His answer every time and I quote " I didn't know I was that low!" Really? REALLY? There isn't a little gauge on there that tells you? A little light that shows the blazing emblem of a gas pump? How can you not know?

So, I sit here with the groceries not bought, cable bill not paid and waiting for my husband to come home with a $150.00 starter. I have already prepared myself to run out of gas next week? Why? Because of the starter, it took the gas money....I give up, and waiting until the day when I have my own car!

We did however walk downtown and took Emily and Melody out to eat. And that was fun, we ate at LePeep and had a great breakfast there. Well except for the part when Emily cried her eyes out. She was looking at a guy, probably 20's and Eddie jokingly said that she can't date until she is 43, because he would be dead by then. This made her cry so hard that I had to take her out of the restaurant and apologize to several people around me, who thought that was just adorable! It was not adorable to me....We then walked to Chocolate Cafe' and the girls picked out huge suckers shaped like feathers...

So, that was my day, how about yours?

Updates!!!!

Well the first day of school was a hit! All the kids seem to like their teachers, and I was correct in my assumption of who Lena's favorite teacher is! I know that girl....

While were at Clay we signed up for a program through Notre Dame on a study of how parents communicate with their teenagers and also tips on how to improve your communication skills. I think that this is going to be great for several reasons...

1. It will give Lena some time just with us, and something that is only hers!
2. We get paid!
3. The other kids are taken care of in a fun and safe enviroment, and will be great socially for them.
4. I have 6 more teenagers in my future and could use all the help I can get.
5. I think Lena getting to experience a view of College will get her more excited to go and keep pusshing her towards that goal!

So, I am excited about it! I think that this will be a great benefit to our family.

Emily and Melody really enjoyed being in the house without the big kids yesterday. They ot upset that they didn't have their own homework so I had to drag out the coloring books....they really needed to study coloring, or so I told them.

Last year on Labor Day weekend, I vowed to NEVER go to Blueberry Fest again! And then this morning Eddie and I are in talks of going. We seem to never learn...Last year, we got seperated and I had a panic attack when I couldn't find Eddie who was trying to wrangle 4 kids through the chaos. I bought the worlds biggest craft which I was stuck carrying for what seemed like 20 miles of crowds and people who honestly scared the heck out of me! I am planning on going with a better plan of dealing with the boys and taking 2 cell phones, so here's hoping that it isn't another disaster! I am trying to break out of that mindset of just avoiding things that didn't turn out the best.

Well, that is all for today, I hope that you have a great one!

School!

Last night we had the impossible feat of trying to take 5 kids to their new classrooms while Emily and Melody were being handfuls! So, here is how that went....

Tobey got to see his new classroom and I had a chance to have my 100 questions answered, I was told however that I can't call ALL the time, I will try! After we met Mrs. Hendricks and her son we went to find the other Primary teachers for Edwin and Olivia. On the way Tobey decided that he needed to see Kate (SNAP teacher) and get a ton of hugs from her! It was so cute!

Olivia has Mrs. Roth, she seems like the old school grandmother type, and I think that will be a good fit for her! She was super excited about not wearing uniforms anymore! She told me today that she is only allowing herself to wear dresses.

Edwin, well Edwin was in fine form last night. He asked Tobey's teacher to give him some sugar, could have died! And then at Lena and Alison's school he drew stuff on his face! His teacher is Mrs. Linton, she is young but this is not her first rodeo! I will say this, there was a line wrapping around the school to get in there for back to school night! I love seeing that kind of parental support!

Alison is a nervous wreck, Lena is trying to explain the in's and out's of middle school to her, and it seems to make her more nervous! I know that she will like it. but work wise this is not going to easy for her!

Lena has the honor of switching classes! I met all of her teachers and they were all great! One of them was even teacher of the year, and how do I say this politely? I don't think Lena will mind going to HIS class....

Today, we were up at 6, and the kids were all so excited about school, they were a breeze to get up. Very pleasant morning.

I do have to admit though, I did have a hard time with letting Tobey go. I mean we started off the morning with him falling over from the weight of his backpack, isn't that a sign that he is too little to go? He is going on a regular bus, and all day....that is a lot for a kid who can't carry his backpack! I know that it had extra stuff in it today, but really. I had Eddie call @ 8:30 and he said that they had already lost Tobey and he had prison tattoo's and he had joined an Autistic gang already.....yeah, funny!

I think that I will watch a movie with Emily and Melody today and bake a cake for the kids tonight, and probably deep clean the living room, so hopefully a productive day! Have a good one! Man, it's quiet in here!

One more day....

School starts tomorrow! If you can't sense my excitement, well let me put this in words.....I am like a kid on Christmas Eve!!! It truly is the most wonderful time of the year!

I just got done writing Tobey, Olivia and Edwin's teachers letters to tell them a little about the kids. I am getting ready to double check the backpacks and lay out all clothing items for tomorrow. I want "Operation Get Your Butt to School", to go perfectly! Will I miss them? Yes, of course!! I love these little people, but I will be laughing through the tears!

I am so ready to get things done at home, that are impossible to do when you are totally outnumbered by kids! I may just get my lawn mowed and our front porch painted! The possibilities are endless!

I am most looking forward to Friday! This Friday we are taking Emily and Melody shopping for their winter clothes and out to Chocolate Cafe! We are also going grocery shopping which may not be exciting to you, but to Melody and Emily, it is like an amusement park! Why didn't they have carts with TVs in them when I was a kid?

Eddie said that it drives him nuts when I do one of these potpourri blogs and speak on more than one subject, but it is my blog so he can deal with it! So here are a few stories on the kids....

Emily, as you know worships Edwin. Even though I will never figure it out, she thinks that he is the world! Well, Edwin was simply getting sick of her bugging him and he wrote out some not very nice words on a piece of paper and handed it to her. I won't say what the words were, just use your imagination. Well, Emily can't read and she thought Edwin had written her a beautiful letter ( her words) and then proceeded to show everyone in the house. I tried to take it from her without letting on why she shouldn't show everyone including the neighbors, but she was just not going to let me get rid of her letter! So, thankfully Tobey being the destructive kid he is, finally ripped the letter to confetti! Thank you Tobey!

Olivia cut her foot on Sunday, nothing serious, but in her mind....she may lose a foot! I think that she believes that she is a Dr., giving me instructions on how to care for her foot, telling me that she cannot do excessive activities and asking me to cancel her plans. Now I am not sure what plans a 7 year old has? But, they have been officially canceled. Today she did tell me that she can attend school because she was able to jump off the coffee table. I have no idea how that meshes together in her mind...jumping off coffee table----can attend school...but whatever, she feels now that she can suffer through it.

Well, that is all today! I hope that you have a good one, and if you had plans with Olivia I am sorry to tell you that she had to cancel...haha

Tobey Jude again??????

I strive with my entire being to not revolve everything in my life around Autism, but with not one but two of my sons afflicted with it...that my friends is a challenge. In complete honesty I think if it was only Edwin that had the 'tism, my life would go on, I would not feel this constant elephant in my mind to be on this dance with Autism.

Tobey Jude was different last week, more meltdowns, more uncontrollable tantrums, more to take care of. Saturday night we were up until 4:30 am, and got a nap before our hectic Sunday mornings of getting 7 kids out the door for Church. We started out good, the kids were going to wear their new school clothes and shoes, found adorable barrettes for the girls and looking forward, believe it or not to a sermon on death. And then IT happened, first Tobey became uncontrollable and just going manic, I pulled him off the dining room table and that one action, set him into a tantrum like no other. And then as I am trying to calm him down, I look into his eyes and they are just darting back and forth. As I look at my beautiful boy, just screaming, jolting his body in every way...I see that he is not there... He is looking at me like he has no idea who I am, total disconnection. Eddie is at work, I have no car....and to be honest even though I just want to sit there and cry, I can't. It is those times that you have to think your clearest, it is those times that you must be your strongest.

After calling everyone I could think of, including my Pastor to let him know that I wasn't going to be in Kids Kanyon. Tobey stared getting back to himself, but you could just sense that IT is right there on the surface and we simply stopped doing anything that could possibly set him off. The house was the quietest I have ever heard, the kids were on their best behavior.

At our support group we had this discussion a few weeks ago of if you could give your child this "magic" pill that would cure them of Autism, or whatever your special needs child had, would you? I said yes, I love my boys immensely, they have made me a better person. But, I would give them that pill, I would cut off my arms if I had to, if it meant having a real conversation with Tobey, or never having to shove another pill down their throats.

There are days that I am just tired, not from lack of sleep, even though I am not real sure the last time I have slept more than 6 hours at home. But there are days that you just get tired of fighting the fight. I am not a very assertive person, and there are days that fighting their fight for them is impossibly hard. But, you just have to suck it up, and put on your happy face and get through the day, no matter what it may bring.

I do have to say this though, I simply have the best Church and friends in the world. After we got back from taking the kids on a drive (one of Tobey's favorite activities) I checked my email and there was countless messages on there from people at Church with offers of dinner, and help and prayers.

Eddie and I tell each other once a week, how much we are loved by people at our Church. We always felt with our families and the lack of real relationship there, we were just not worthy of having a true "family". I don't know if I will ever understand what they see in us, but I am thankful all the way to my soul that I have them. They make days like Sunday bearable, they make our life better. So, thank you again to all of you that reached out to us, you mean more to us then you will ever know.

Her Dual Life...(warning, the following may shock you)

Hello again, it's the hubby. Well, I can take it NO longer!!! Every one who reads this blog has this image of my wife...great mother; activist for autism; loving wife...but, I can no longer let you, the general public, be kept in the dark. My wife has a secret...
It all began several months ago. She began to act suspiciously, almost giddy. She asked me if I could start growing my hair out...maybe I should start exercising. I thought, wow, she really cares for me. So much so, that she is looking out for my health and welfare.
But, then I started to notice things....little things, peculiar things. Friday nights, 10pm/9pm central, she would disappear. For over an hour I would wonder, then she would reappear...strange I thought.
Then she began styling my girls hair in braids. No big deal, except, my youngest has a pixie cut, so she made her wear a wig...strange...
Fast forward to the present...I was at work last night, minding my own business, when I thought about her...a weird, paranoid thought. I called the house...she answered. And abruptly hung up...in the background, a man's voice...
This morning, I confronted her about it...She has been seeing another man...CODY LUNDIN from DUAL SURVIVOR!!!
I blame myself, I was the one who turned her onto the show in the first place. I'll never forget those fateful words..."Melissa, you gotta see this...this guy is in his bare feet...ON A GLACIER!!!"
If only I had known about the damning impact of those words...Now it all makes sense...her calling me Cody...wanting to graze and eat off the land...the bare feet.
I cry myself to sleep, now, knowing that I started out as her husband. But now, I am the other man...Curse you Discovery channel! Curse you for your entertaining and provocative programming on Friday nights, along with various reruns throughout the week!
My only consolation...the lighter with which I can easily start a fire...and my shoes.

Back to school shopping....

Yesterday was flipping nuts! I had this idea in my mind to get all the shopping done in one day....in my mind it works, on paper it works, in real life? Well it doesn't work!

At Payless, Edwin had a 'tism day and the clerk was not being really understanding....it is days like that that I think the boys should wear signs that say " I am not misbehaving, I have Autism". Edwin is not into socks and so he had to put on on one of those "manly" footie's. He acted like he was going to put it on and then threw it at the lady! I sat there stupefied, I mean what do you say? I am sorry that my son is throwing stuff at you? No, because it still makes you look like a bad parent who can't control their child. So there I was looking blankly at Edwin wanting to put him in the corner or something and yet again explaining that my boys both have Autism. I fessed up that they both had Autism because this poor lady kept asking Tobey questions, and she was wondering why he didn't talk back to her. Now, here is where the "Autism card" comes in handy...The second I explain that I have 2 sons with Autism, total 360! I go from worst Mother of the year to the best Mother EVER!! No, joke I was treated like a Queen, the cashier was trying to help me find the best deals, another customer gave me coupons to get the boys haircut, even with an offer to take care of them herself. Isn't it weird how when you find out a little bit more about a person's story your view of them changes? It makes you think twice about judging others...

But, we are almost done so the mad dash at 4 stores was worth it...the backpacks are packed and all the clothes and shoes are laid out for next week! On Wednesday after I see group B, (Edwin, Olivia and Tobey) get on the school bus, or as I refer to it....the vehicle to my sanity...I will breathe!

Today, I am taking some time to myself and going to lunch with my friend Sarah and then a jewelry show that is put on by yet another Sarah. I now realize that there is a lot of Sarah's in my life....We are also taking all 7 to the grocery store today in preparation of the new schedule for school time.

We are totally revamping our schedule at home, and when we had the hour long family meeting on Thursday I thought there would be moans and talks of a mutiny. Instead they were excited about it! Even the teenager was in full agreement! I was in shock! I think the part that most excited them is they have a say over the menu for the week. Every week day has a theme...

• Monday is easy dinner night
• Tuesday is Foreign food night
• Wednesday is casserole night
• Thursday is fun food night
• Friday is Pizza night

Now, even if a kid ends up with a boring night like casserole night...they get to pick dessert too. So, they are still in a win-win situation! And then Friday night they also vote on a craft, movie or game night! They were so excited that they wanted to start this week. On a side note, I already know that if Edwin chooses a night we will end up with macaroni and cheese....there is already a flaw to the system, I will carry on....

Just so you know, I may take a break from blogging next week....I have not died, unless Edwin has killed me...haha! But we are starting the new schedule and any change to the boys schedule is intense. We will start officially on Monday, I am in hopes that this will simplify my life and give us us a much calmer household, OK,realistically a little calmer household!

I hope you have an awesome week next week!

Is it the 25th yet?

Holy cow, school needs to start already! I love each and everyone of these little people but now, well it's time to go back!

The kids back to school list is insane! And we are insane because tomorrow we are going to try and get all the shopping done in one day! I am as giddy as a kid on Christmas Eve! I even made a folder of all the lists, coupons and sizes! I have a stack of 20 boxes of Kleenex sitting on my desk! I am ready to see them head off on that yellow bus!

I am a little nervous still about Tobey Jude, (there is a surprise) this will be his first time with all day school and our first time dealing with Life Skills. I told my Mother in law the other day that I was nervous about him going to kindergarten full day and she said "Oh, I thought he was going to life skills". Yeah, but it is still kindergarten, I think. Now, I am kinda second guessing myself about the decision.....did I make the right decision about this or have I messed him up? Will he always be considered the "different" one, and should I really care what people think? I would love to tell you that I am evolved enough not to care, but I do. Especially when it comes to him, in one way I wanted him treated like every other child, on the other hand he is not like every other child! Now, that I think about it, it is not the fact that he is going to Life Skills that bothers me, it is the fact that yet again....Tobey Jude is being treated differently and labeled again....Wow, Oprah that was an AHA moment! I simply need to get over it!

Alison will be in middle school this year, and that is going to be a new thing for her! She told me yesterday that she is nervous, but I know Alison and when she comes home there will be stories of her 5 best friends and how the lunch ladies are neat!

Edwin is ready to go to school, even though I know he is going to miss people at Madison! I got an email yesterday from one of his favorite teachers telling me that she heard a rumor that he was leaving her! She is going to come to our Church down the road and see him. That will make his day.

Olivia is wanting school to start now! She loves learning, and is just super smart! I hope though that she finds some great friends and can start reaching her own personal goals, I explained it is a new year and this is a new start!

Lena, well she just wants to see boys! I have explained to her so many times that she is not allowed to date yet, and MUST wait for marriage so many times that I think the other kids have the speech memorized. But, I worry, she has been the most boy crazy from the beginning.

One thing that I am most looking forward to is spending some time with Emily and Melody! I LOVE my time with those two! They are so much fun, I just love their age! If I had to pick my favorite age it is defiantly the toddler age, which most people dread. They have no idea how wonderful that age is compared to teenagers! They'll learn.

Well, the kids are bugging Eddie to death, so I am off to control the mass of children! Have a good one, and have I mentioned that I am ready for school to start?

The Hubby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday, i was browsing some of my past blogs and I came to the shocking realization that I haven't really done a blog on my husband. This is a little embarrassing because I have had a blog since January and I have been married to him for 14 years....So, here it is a blog on my hubby, hopefully he will still want to be married to me after this!

• Eddie is super talented at music and can play several instruments pretty well!
• He is the oldest of 4 children and was the first in his family to ever graduate high school.
• He has an insane sense of humor, in fact when people tell me that I am funny I usually will say "No, Eddie is the funny one"
• Eddie's legal name is Edwin James Holstein III, and the numbers 1 & 2 are still alive. Things get confusing...there was also an Edwina at one time!
• He has worked for Steel Warehouse for just over 2 years and is quickly working his way up in the company.
• He is rarely EVER serious, like even at funerals I have to tone him down some...
• If I am in the room I have to censor his Facebook comments...you all are welcome!
• The proudest moment of his life was when he delivered Melody Summer, I have never seen him happier!
• He ENJOYS running out of gas every week!
• He likes watching commercials as much as the show!
• He makes homemade bread and pies, and is better at those than I will ever be!
• One of his favorite movies is "You've got Mail". Sorry I outed you honey!
• He could eat Pizza every day!
• He is the fun parent, he wrestles and tickles all day long!
• He likes to shop, I am so lucky!
• It was his idea to start going back to Church when we moved to South Bend, I am so thankful he talked me into it!
• He thinks that Dave Canterbury is better than Cody Lundin, I still keep him around though!
• He can sleep through anything...
• He wants to get a tattoo.
• He finds Megan Mullaley hot, you know that annoying chick that played Karen on Will and Grace....
• He currently has more Facebook friends than me, I will catch up!
• His favorite time of year is Fall, and he LOVES all the holidays!
• He has been the love of my life for over 15 years, and I honestly couldn't see myself having an insane amount of kids with anyone else!

So, now you know a little bit about Eddie, have a great day!

Darden Primary....

I woke eddie up and told him that we needed to get the kids registered ASAP so there will be no delay in them going to school next Wednesday. I have been nervous about how Edwin is going to handle a new school, and Tobey having full days, and Olivia fitting in. So, off we went to Darden.

Tobey has been in Darden for over 2 years with SNAP which is a preschool program for kids with the 'tism. I have been thrilled with that school and the staff is awesome so, when we had a chance to send Edwin and Olivia there I jumped on it! The principal is not only a great guy who has been there forever, he also had a special needs child who passed away last year. He knows my concerns before I can say them. I was astounded to find out that Edwin and Tobey will bring the grand total up to 158 Autistic kids in 1 school! I was in shock, you mean to tell me that there are 156 other parents in this small of an area going through what I am? So, I am taking a freaking ton of welcome letters to the school to be handed out the first week of school to tell about the support group! It is mind boggling to think that so many of us exist! And, it is exciting to think about all the parents out there who have been where we are now and can maybe provide some insight of what is coming up for Tobey and Edwin!

After calling the transportation department and virtually being told that I need to cut the cord, I was a little mad. I don't think they have any idea how fast the little dude is. There is a reason that he is on a leash....not too compare him to a Greyhound....but he just never stops. And then there is the whole meltdown thing....how is a bus driver supposed to deal with Tobey hitting himself and bashing his head, pulling out his hair...and then trying to drive a huge vehicle with over 70 kids in it? It just seemed like an unsafe idea. They are going to put him in a special seat and make sure he has an aid now, so I guess I got somewhere with them. Also, Mr. B (the principal) will make sure that there is several aids to get him on and off the bus, so I feel much better now.

I don't know at times if I am being overprotective or being a good parent? There is such a fine line to walk with any kid, not just those that are "special", when am I supposed to start letting go, and when does it get easier to do so? I don't know! I wish Tobey and Edwin came with a manual that said on September 16, 2010 Edwin will like corn and start giving it to him, and then he eats it! Or Friday it will be time to let Tobey walk in the store without a leash, and then magically he stays with me.

Today, I tried to teach Tobey how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. He got so frustrated that he threw himself off a bar stool and then started having a meltdown. He hit himself, slapped his face, kicked me when I tried to see if he had an injury, pulled out his hair and threw the remote at the window. I just wanted to cry, and I can't because he needed me. And yet, I am supposed to continue teaching him new things.....it seems like a never ending cycle.

One thing that I am thankful of is the biggest draw to Darden, Kate Sullivan, she gets it! She understands my frustration, gets my humor and is such a guiding force when it comes to the boys. Somehow she magically knows when to push and when to back off. I can't wait to see her again. You would think that I should know what to do in every situation for the boys and I just don't. They are human just like the rest of us and evolving and changing all the time, but man is still throws me for a loop!

So, this will be the last blog of the day, I just had to get that off my chest.....enjoy your day!

Yes, they are still alive.....

Well, the boys made it through respite care, I think I had a harder time with it then they did. I did come to the realization that nobody really knows what respite care is. So here is my feeble explanation. The boys go over to Sister Gretchen's home where they almost become part of her life for a few hours while we get some stress free time away from them. I like that they go to a home and not a institution. Edwin got to play with puzzles and help make cupcakes and Tobey ended up playing in a ball pit and spinning some wheels on cars. While they were gone I sat in our Church trying to set up for the support group crying because I missed them. It was rough, the only person that has really watched the boys was my Dad's girlfriend Dee, so we could watch "Rain"! It is super hard to let them go, when you feel like no one could know them like you or provide the same care. Sister Gretchen did put a note in the boys' file that this was going to be an issue with me! Look at me, I have never been a Catholic and a Nun is seeing me as a problem! Haha! She did make joke that she only lost Tobey twice....The boys are going to go back there for 2 hours on the 29th, we have a Church picnic. Last year, even though we did our best to hold it together, the boys had a hard time with the crowds. It will be great to not worry about that and allow Lena to not be "on duty" and have time with the girls!

Eddie is already dragging! He still has 11 days to go! I thought that I would try to plan something special for him but I think that he would much rather sleep and be left alone...nobody tells you that becoming Supervisor meant you were away from home for 77-80 hours a week and can be tough on a marriage! I think they should give the spouses overtime pay too! I give all you single mothers out there props....I am not cut out for that!

The kids are so ready to get back to school and I am so ready to get my house organized and hopefully start packing up! We are still waiting to see if we are getting the house our hearts are set on....I think the thing I am looking forward to is the quietness of the house on Mondays. This has been a tough summer with the kids not being able to play outside due to the lead. They have been driving me nuts, just being honest!

Today, I am making a new schedule for fall, the older girls have to be on the bus at 7 in the morning so, I need to adjust bedtimes and chores and move up there computer time. I got a letter Saturday that said Tobey is riding a bus with Edwin and Olivia, which is not good! I mean one less bus to deal with would be nice....but I don't think that it is safe for him. There is no helper on regular buses, and they are crowded and loud. This combo could lead to to a meltdown and/or seizure. So, off to deal with that. There is always something to deal with the schools! So, I am off to make my 1000 phone calls and control the troops...have a good one!

Well today's the day!!!

Today is my first day of dropping the boys off at respite care. I have mixed feelings about it....Last night was another tough night with Tobey and I am very overwhelmed with him right now. I am extremely thankful that we found a good place for them that has plenty of love to spare. I am thankful that it is a place that we can afford considering that state funded respite care is still about 7 years away for them.

So, here is my dilemma that will probably make no sense to anyone besides me...but it is a blog so here I go, and I hope that I don't offend anyone, these are just my current feelings. And, I am sure that after I pick them up and see that they survived the visit I will be ok. Here we go, it is hard for me still sometimes to see us as that family still.....the family with special needs children that has to do things a little different than those "normal" families. It is hard that when I am at the store buying things for the boys that they need for their "visit" and I see someone and they ask how things are going, and I say we we are dropping the boys off for respite....and then they need an explanation of what it is....90% of the time I am totally fine with everything that the boys' need and I don't complain, but that stupid 10% of the time sneaks in there every time that they tack another diagnosis on Tobey, or you have to start something new that the "normal" families have no idea what you are talking about. I wonder if that 10% will ever leave.

I took Tobey grocery shopping today, here is a little fact about Tobey Jude...he is the best kid in the world to shop with. Because he is non-verbal, he obviously doesn't ask me for everything in the store ( it is ok, to laugh at that part!) and he just sits in the cart so patiently and watches the cart wheels spin. At Aldi's a lady came up to me and told how he was one of the best behaved boys she has ever seen. I just laughed and said "Thanks" not telling her that it is not me being an amazing parent(haha) but it was really Tobey being Autistic and shopping is one of his favorite things on Earth to do!

Olivia keeps reminding me that school is starting soon, like I really need to know how many more days are left (11!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). She is so excited about going to a new school that doesn't have uniforms. I think that she is going to wear a dress everyday. We are taking the whole crew school shopping on Friday and I am wondering if I should call Payless ahead of time. We have been extremely fortunate this year with people giving us school clothes , so I don't think that I will have to spend near as much money this year! SCORE!!!!

Last night after I watched Cody Lundin (obviously) Lena and I started a scary movie. I bought chips and M&M's, and had us set up and 5 minutes into the movie, she said that she was tired. Really? After I drove all over the greater South Bend area to find the movie? So, the movie night will have to wait!

That is all for today! have a great weekend!

Today's blog

Usually when I blog I sit down for 20 minutes and just type away. I don't usually have any preconceived ideas really about what I am going to write about until I sit down. But today I had it in the back of my mind to talk about Grandma and Grandpa Sims, unfortunately every word I was typing was not doing them justice. It is one of those times when there are no words. So, I am actually going to work on it over the weekend and try to do their story some justice. Even though they have been gone for a long time ( Grandpa 16 years and Grandma 10 years) their impact on my life is still there daily. When I nearly died from MRSA after having a c-section from Tobey, I thought of how Grandma was when she had Polio, when I had days when my back just made it impossible to breathe let alone walk, I thought of how she couldn't walk for 50 years. Every night I give Tobey his medicine and I just wish he would say something, I remember how my Grandpa towards the end of a long battle with Alzheimer's couldn't talk either and I couldn't love him any less. I model my marriage after theirs, to depend fully on each other and to be totally honest with each other. To keep your sense of humor going when it is hard not to cry. My faith is modeled after them, how they lived a true Christian life. They had an impact on so many people and I hope that someday my grand kids will say the same about us.

I actually fell deeply in love with Eddie when not only did he love my Grandma. but he was not scared of her disability. Most guys would be scared around someone who needed help to do everything from go to the bathroom and making meals. Not only did it not scare him, but it got to the point where Grandma was going on dates with us to the mall and out to eat, I think we even went to the movies a few times with her. I remember joking around with Grandma that he would have to marry both of us. When my Dad called off our wedding a month before the ceremony...it was Grandma who made everybody come to their senses. So, anyway I hope to have everything written down and ready on Monday....

Today we are taking the kids to the Blueberry farm to go picking. One of the many things about having great friends is how they can make you try new things. Lorinda this year has had me go peach and strawberry picking already this year, and I really enjoy it. I wonder if she is going to have me picking oranges when we go to Florida?

Well, that is all for today...I hope that you have a great weekend, even though it is way to hot!

I am awake now!!!!

Edwin last night decided that sleep is totally unnecessary....I disagree...but anyway he was up until about 12:30 shooting me with a cell phone charger and asking me if I had any quarters, I am not sure if that is technically a stick up....atleast I know that they can't charge him as an adult.

Tobey woke up at 4:15 this morning and I know this for a fact because I looked at the clock and said " Tobey it is 4:15....go to SLEEP!". Like Tobey really cares if I sleep....

Eddie comes into the house at 7:30 and for some reason he is always loud coming home....and at this point....I give up, I am awake!

I start the day by checking Facebook (I am sure that shocks you) and up in the right hand corner I see a message. So, I figure that it is either someone from Church or one of those thread messages from asking what color my bra is, and I click on it.....and there it was a message from Cody Lundin!!!!

I can hardly believe my eyes....am I dreaming? I know that can't be because my family seems to not like it when I am sleeping...but there it was, as real as could be! I ran into the bedroom and yelled to Eddie who had just nodded off. I am sure that he thought Tobey had a seizure or something with the way I was carrying on. I screamed I got a message from Cody!!! And he had a message for me to tell you......

Eddie actually jumped out of bed and came to read the message. Now, when I did the blog about being lost at the mall, Eddie read it and made a snide comment about Cody Lundin, not knowing that I was going to send the blog to Cody. I think Eddie jumped put of bed because he wanted to make sure that this man who could probably crush him like a toothpick wasn't going to visit South Bend anytime soon!

So here is some of the message from Mr. Cody Lundin!

Tell your hubby that I hunt too, mostly anglo city dwelling males...and that raw meat sucks with sub par fire making skills!

He is funny, yet intelligent...too much!

So I am officially awake now, that has made my day...and I will be tuning in to Discovery tomorrow night and watch Cody Lundin be his hippy, barefoot, awesome self!

Tooth Fairy, Part 2

Alison who wasn't feeling well kept moving all over the house last night making the job very tough for the tooth fairy! So here is my husbands genius idea that he did while he was supposed to be working.

Alison's e-mail...complete with Tooth Fairy account!

Dear Alison,

Hello my dear! I have seen that you have lost yet another tooth! Look under the keyboard....That's right the Tooth Fairy has gone green!!!!! But can you believe that I had to spell MY name differently? My name is " The Tooth Fairy". But for the email address I had to spell it "The Tooth Fairee"!!!! Can you believe that !? When I get a hold of that Roger Adams in Montana (He took my spelling for his email address)....

Anyway, you are growing up into such a lovely young lady and soon you won't be seeing me anymore as you are almost out of baby teeth. Take care of your choppers!!!

Love,
The Tooth Fairy

PS. Be nice to your siblings, they love you!!!!

Friday the 13th, kikikikimamamama

My Mom was in some very dark stuff before she died, it started out with the innocence of Unicorns and ended up with us using Ouija boards and having seances on Friday nights. Towards the end of her life she wore mainly black and delved even deeper into Wicca and tarot and such. Being a young girl raised around this stuff it seemed perfectly normal to me to watch scary movies instead of PBS, when you have one TV in the house what are you going to do? I remember once when we had a sleepover I pulled out the tarot and 4, 10 year old girls stared at me in disbelief. I was in shock that they didn't know what they were. I was in more shock when they never came over for a sleepover again...haha!

My Mom, had a hard life....she was put in an orphanage at a young age and a brother that she loved deeply was never heard from again. She was adopted into a great family but always felt that she never fit in ( no fault of any one's). She obviously had some health problems (died at 34 of diabetes and several other things) and found her birth mother again only to find out that she wasn't what she thought she would be. I only found out a few years ago when I was diagnosed with depression that she was severely depressed for years. Which explains a lot! By the way, I am trying to be super careful how I am wording this...even though my family doesn't read my blog....they have NEVER talked about all of this. Don't want to rock the boat here!

So, I want the kids to know about their Grandma (who Lena was named after) but there are things that I don't want them exposed too. On good days my Mom was this funny, outgoing, creative, animal loving woman who could dance....on bad days, well they were just bad and hard to get through.

So every year on Halloween or when Friday the 13th pops up, I think about her...and talk to the kids some about her, but not too much. And, then when it is over.....I block that part of my life out and go on with the present. But, this Friday the 13th, I am going to stay up and watch a scary movie with Lena and have tons of junk food, and tell her a little more about her Grandma Lena. I will finally attempt to answer questions that I am not sure I have the answers for. I will tell her about the fun times we had like dancing to Michael Jackson or cruising around the lake listening to Lisa Lisa and the Cult Jam (there's a throwback!) and how we would sneak out of our house and going swimming at the boat landing at midnight...Lena is so excited to finally hear about the mystery of this woman that she was named after that she can hardly wait!

So, again that was probably to heavy....Sorry!

Eddie called me last night and told me that he has to work the next 16 days straight....so back to being a single Mom again! I really shouldn't say that though because when he is awake he really tries to spend quality time with the kids, and they love that! Eddie I have to admit is the fun parent...the one who blasts the stereo and has tickling fights and chases Tobey all over in hopes of wearing the boy down (never worked). When I told the kids today that Daddy has to work a bunch, I am sure that they seen visions of chore lists dance through their little heads!!!

Well, that is all today my friends! Have a great day!

Now you know....

There has been a lot of buzz around our home because Alison lost a tooth while munching on a carrot. So, as with any kids they automatically wonder what the tooth fairy will bring them.

Emily Frances came down and asked me several questions about the tooth fairy and I did my best to explain while trying to make sure that it is the same story I told Lena at that age so as to not have any confusion.

An hour later Tobey came down and in need of a diaper change I asked Emily to hand me a diaper. As soon as she seen why I needed the diaper quickly, she looked right at me and said " Oh look the Butt Fairy was here!". So, there you have it folks there is now a butt fairy....I wonder if it was born from a baby's first laugh. OR....well I will leave it to your imagination!

The Other Day....

A few weeks ago while attending one of thousands special needs events, a friend came up to me who has recently found out she was expecting. We sat down while I was trying to control Tobey form having a meltdown in excessive humidity, and we talked. Out of the blue she said that she didn't want to have a child with special needs....I was speechless for a few minutes (this is rare my friends) and I explained that nobody really does, it just happens sometimes. No parent wants to watch their child suffer through tons of blood work, or rearrange your life for therapy, or see a pile of bills come in from Memorial Hospital every week. Right now I am trying to figure out how to pay for a sensory room for the boys, and I would much rather be putting up one of those cool wooden swing sets!

She then explained that she wouldn't mind a kid like Edwin, but a kid like Tobey would break her heart. Now, this one I was not sure how to take.....Tobey Jude is the light of my world....he is just about the coolest person I have ever met. I know he doesn't talk, and needs more care then your average 5 year old... but man he is awesome! I then tried to explain to her, that when you have a child there is such an extreme love from the beginning. That yes, your heart may break if they were not that perfect child you were expecting.....but it just doesn't matter because they are your child and you will take them anyway they are given to you. But it is hard to explain that bond to someone that has never experienced it.

I remember when I was a kid spending the days at my Grandma's garden shop and watching the neighbors across the street with their daughter in her 20's. She was a blind and deaf and lived with them full time. You never seen them without their daughter, and I remember thinking to myself...don't they want time to themselves, or do they ever get tired of that extra work? And then ironically, I would head into my Grandma's shop and help her run her garden shop and spend hours with her just talking. The ironic part is that Grandma developed Polio in her 40's and I had never seen her walk in my entire life. It was never a burden being with her, I just loved her....it was never work, just love.

When the Dr's told me that Tobey may never live on his own, the first thing I thought was I was becoming Grandma's neighbors, and what about Eddie and I finally having time just for us? Aren't you supposed to ship kids off somewhere when they turn 18? But, now I have come to the point that if Tobey Jude has to live with us forever...I am OK with that....in fact I think that it could actually be kinda cool. No empty nest syndrome, no lonely Christmas mornings....and I will have the honor of being around one of the neatest little guys I have ever known. I do however hope that he will eventually potty train...seriously!!!!

So, for any expecting Mom's out there, I will give you this piece of advice....pray for a healthy child, absolutely! But if it doesn't happen, it's OK...they are a blessing no matter what may be wrong with them, and your life will be fuller for having them in it....and then you can start a blog! haha

Have a good one my friends....

PS- Someday in the near future I will tell you all about my Grandma Sims. She was the strongest, most incredible person....and for all of those out there that have told me "Wow, you have had a life....and you should write a book" wait until you hear her story!

The Decision....

Eddie has been given a dream opportunity and any sane person would stop everything they are doing to stop everything they are doing and go for their dream. We however are not sane....Eddie has been given the chance to go back to school on their dime and we have decided to wait for another semester to start. We felt that having 7 kids and 2 of them being....well Edwin and Tobey that we simply need to do this at our pace. For the first time this fall Eddie and I are not going to have any kids to take care of for 5 hours on Fridays, and some help on Tuesdays or Wednesdays (I am talking to you Terri), and I think that we just honestly need to take a break for a little bit, and focus on moving, therapies and the kids. I think adding the chaos of school, may just be too much. So, yes he is going....just not for a few more months.

I am looking forward to school starting if you couldn't tell...It is not just 5 kids going full time, but it is almost like our New Years for the Holstein's. There are new calendars to buy, and new clothes, and the figuring out of the schedules, explaining to the kids for the 50th time that they are only allowed 1 activity a piece.... Even Edwin is ready for the new year, he is ready for his routine to be back, during the summer it is thrown aside, and chaos ensues...The overly scheduled weekends will then turn into baking and movie nights, and family dinners that will force us to look like that family on TV from the 50's. Except I won't be wearing heels and I will be lucky if the kids are not trying to kill each other.

We have also decided to become more laser focused on what is truly important to our family. Our Church is laser focused on impacting the south side of South Bend, and because they focus on that....they get it done. I on the other hand. seem to be going in a million different directions. So, after some soul searching...I have come to the conclusion that we need to focus on our faith and family. But then it offshoots into a thousand things when it comes to our family. Eddie needs to make good money to support a large family, so he needs to go to school, Lena needs to be involved with Arts, Alison-dance, Edwin....way to much to list, Olivia-dance and help overcoming middle child syndrome, Tobey....again to much to list, Emily-preschool and Melody-preschool. I am also big on encouraging good grades and chores. And Bam....I have lost my laser focus and trying to multi-task everything.... Eddie tells me a million times that multi tasking gets me nowhere....he is usually saying this while eating a meal that I cooked while breaking up fights, talking to Lorinda, made a grocery list and explained to Edwin for 100th time that day that it is not OK to tell the neighbors that you are going to blow them up, and lets not forget....somebody ALWAYS needs a band-aid! Even if there is no injury to be seen (what is up with that?).

So there you have it, the crazy life of the Holstein's ! But, you want to hear something crazier? I wouldn't want it any other way.

What are you talking about?

Over the past year when we take out the whole crew to the park, or Farmer's Market or even Wal-Mart....I have been asked if we were a quiver full family. Now I had no idea what the heck they were talking about....We are a large family, a tired family, and at times we are even a crazy family...ok all the time!

So, I finally decided to look up what they were talking about.....It is a group of Evangelical Christian Conservatives that believe that all children are a gift from God, and believe in no forms of sterilization or birth control.

So, now that I know what they are talking about....I am emphatically saying that no, we are not. Are children a blessing from God? Absolutely!!!! But the rest does not relate to us in the least, except that we are Christians, just non-denominational ones.

I love, really love having a large family. But, we had a large family as a choice, not because we felt that we were the worlds best parents and that we must pro- create for the good of the Earth. We also knew when we had enough and decided to call it quits! But, having a large family, I believe should be a choice not a requirement of our love to God. Now, that being said I love watching the Duggars I am inspired by her patience, thriftiness and the fact that she home schools. But I am not Michelle! I am a Mom who gets tired, and I have never canned a thing in my life, nor have I made any clothes.

I also don't think that having a large family should be a light decision. There is a lot to consider that no one tells you about. My biggest issue besides groceries and doing " normal" things is I try my hardest at making sure that each kid is treated as an individual, not as that group with 7 kids. They are all amazing in their own ways and all have their own unique talents...I strive to pull that out of them. But even I mess that up. It's hard and I have never seen that mentioned in any book. As much as I admire the Duggars...I have no idea which one is which.
So, there you have it...I should print up copies of this to hand out at the Farmers Market!

Have a great weekend!

Thursday..........

Thursday is usually the last day that I have to finish up all the catch up for the plans I had for the week. Today I will do laundry, try and clean out the fridge, make our grocery list for the week and finally sit down to watch So you Think You Can Dance....

When Tobey was diagnosed with lead poisoning we called a halt to all therapies so we could concentrate on him and the extra work that it has brought. I was relieved at the time, but now I am kind of missing my old routine of driving him all around South Bend. I am ready, as soon as I get out of this house to get him going on them again.

When you have a special needs child or two, you are in this circle and even if you are only sitting in the waiting room, you get a chance to talk to other parents. You know what to say to them if they need a boost, they tell you how to nicely tell the insurance companies where they should go! And, amazingly every time you start to feel sorry for yourself, in walks a parent with their child and you see that things could be worse. Yeah sure Tobey doesn't really talk, but he walks and runs and laughs and tickles. And then you get your own view of life in perspective.

Edwin learned some new words from some guys that were walking in front of our house on Monday, and they are not words that a 9 year old should be repeating. So, I decided to play almost a mind game with him to try and get him to latch onto a better word. I placed my hand in the kitchen door and called Edwin down, I then made it look like I slammed my hand in the door and in my best Academy Award performance I had I yelled at the top of my lungs " OH NUGGET!!!", I then profusely apologized to Edwin for using such language in front of him. I said to him not to use that word ever again....And 5 minutes later he was upstairs yelling "NUGGET" to everyone he seen. Again, this is not good parenting but at least I don't have to worry about him saying that at Church or School. Don't you judge me.......

Well, that is all today my friends.....have a great one!

Moo News....First Edition

We have had big news at the Holstein home........

Edwin has now been officially called a "Recovering Autistic" , now I am not a Doctor...so here is my feeble attempt at explaining this. A recovering alcoholic, will always be considered an alcoholic....Edwin will always be Autistic....I can't change that, it's him. As Edwin is getting older he is becoming more tolerant of crowds, better socially....more like a normal kid. He will always talk in his monotone voice (which I kinda love about him) and he will always have to stem( a way to calm his brain). But now we are faced with new and exciting challenges....first we are getting him to a dietitian. Edwin eats macaroni and cheese, peanut butter and jelly, chips, ham, chicken nuggets and fries. There are no vegetables and fruit on that list. So, on Friday we take him for labs and then come up with a plan for the dietitian of getting him to eat a green bean hopefully! Also, we need to focus on getting him to become ...well, a boy. We are putting him on a special basketball team, and even though I love his individuality, no more of wearing his sisters' clothes, which he does for some unknown reason...As she was telling me this in my mind I was kind of imagining Pinocchio, we now have to make him a real boy! I am excited.

Eddie found out 2 days ago that his job is sending him back to school on their dime for a Bachelors in Engineering with minors in management and computers. He has wanted to go back to College since I met him and has always been one of his biggest regrets in life. It is going to take him 5 and a half years to finish but the rewards are great. I am concerned about how we are going to handle the schooling with our schedules. Since he became a supervisor I take care of the kids by myself most of the time and with each kid having their own activities and then you know I like to sleep.....it is not going to be easy.

We are hoping to move soon and the house that we really truly want is just at our grasp and we just need to hear the final verdict on it. The health department is being butt heads about getting paperwork to our landlord and all the while my Tobey is still in a home that is not safe for him. I haven't talked about it much, but it is like living on eggshells here with everything that Tobey can't be around or touch. It is also costing me like $30 bucks a week extra for dairy things for him because I am trying to do everything that I can naturally for him to bring down the lead while living here. But, the little dude wants to play outside, and that is not possible here.

The rest of the gang is doing great and everyone is finally over over the stomach bug of 2010. Today we are just hanging out until Eddie wakes up and hopefully it stops raining long enough for me to have some alone time with Olivia and go for a walk.

So, that is all here............have an awesome day!

Our "Family" second try!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, I can't find the blog I wrote....sadly it was the best blog in the history of all blog's. It is now lost forever, I dare say! So, here is my feeble attempt at recreating a masterpiece....

I know that I have said it many times before, but our biological families are not your typical families. There are no reunions, as far as our parents go, and all of my Grandparents are gone. We don't really have huge Birthday parties for our kids with the families over because everybody just has thier own lives and we were made to feel like it is an inconvenience to have them. I do understand their point I guess, we do have 7 kids. We do see both sides at Christmas, which is nice....but that is it really.

I felt that it was us, that we were this unlovable family that was made to feel like a burden to everyone else. Because we have never felt that love and acceptance from them, we became drawn in and almost stopped experiencing life and scared to even try to do better for ourselves because of no support, confidence and an overwhelming fear of failure yet again.

When we walked into LSC for the first time, I remember for the first time feeling like we fit in for the first time, and these people LOVE us, I don't mean that they just say it....we feel it. Every week we walk in there and I am greeted like I always thought families were supposed to greet you. They are our "created" family and I LOVE them for it.

So, let me tell you about a few of them, I can't mention them all....there is over 500! But, first my friend Lorinda.....Lorinda and Ed have 3 little girls who seem to have fallen for my Edwin, and they are 3 of the cutest gals I know. Lorinda and I have this amazing kinship in that we both have children with special needs, we feel the same on issues, we are both married to Ed's, and no matter what we is going on in our lives...we talk to each other with no judgement. We are going to Disney with them and I can hardly wait for it!!! Lorinda is like big sister I never had, but better.

I met CJ when I was at Church for a few months and she was just like superwoman. She has 2 kids with special needs and is involved with everything that is thrown at her, including the support group I am starting at Church. She seems to know what I need before I can even tell her and has been an amazing resource to me in all areas of life. I am in hopes that hanging around her will help me with scheduling and organization...we'll see, I am not holding my breath!

Buffy, I met in the oddest of way's. We lost our home in a fire and she and Tammy were in charge of helping us start our lives over...not easy for a family of 9! But, lately without even knowing she has pulled me out of my comfort zone of going over to peoples homes with Tobey and Edwin and actually helped me rediscover my love of cooking. Every week I go over I try a new recipe out and it is quickly becoming one of my favorite times of the week!

It is so neat that God gave me this amazing family, and put all these women in my life and there are so many more there. And here is a crazy thing...the more that I find out about them the more I learn about myself...how crazy cool is that?

I screwed up!

Ok, so somehow it only printed the title of the blog and not the actual blog so I am working on finding the silly thing.......Hopefully it is still there....genius rarely strikes twice!

Our "Family"

Normal to us.....

It is so interesting to see how different people live their lives. I love watching people and how they do their day to day routines.....



I find it so odd for example to see a kid Tobey's size walking without someone holding their hand, or people with no kids attached to them at the hip. When I hear about people spending less than a $100/ week on groceries, I am in shock! It is so weird how your life becomes your reality, and everything else seems foreign.



We were at the park a few weeks ago and I seen parents sitting there with a book reading while I am chasing down Tobey and telling Edwin for the one thousandth time that day not to try to blow people up....Sometimes I admit that I am jealous of that carefree lifestyle. While I am doing kid counts to make sure I haven't lost one they are able to carry on a actual conversation. And, then as I finally sit down and let Eddie take over and trying to have that adult conversation with another parent....a bus pulls up and out steps a group of adults from a home for special needs and I see the look on the other parent's face, and then am sucked back into my reality. I am the mother of 2 kids with Autism, and even though I wouldn't trade my life for anything....there are sometimes you are scared that is all that you are.....Every book I read, almost all of my favorites are Autism sites. nearly half of the phone calls I make are concerning the boys. And, even though it drives me nuts at times.....90% of the time I honestly couldn't see myself doing anything else, it is my reality.

So, here is what is "normal" to us.....

We have not left our home without a leash for Tobey in over a year.
It takes us a half hour a day to find shoes, that I bought a special shelf for.
I make 27 plates of food a day!
Whenever we split up as a group Eddie and I yell out the number of kids we are responsible for.
We love to take drives, though rarely have enough nerve to leave the comfort of South Bend.
We have the worst yard out of our entire neighborhood, are porch looks like we are hicks!
Our car, every time we get out a Capri Sun , Coke bottle, or McDonald's item falls out.
We have to pay extra for trash service.
We enjoy the benefits of handicap parking...thank you Autism!
All the girls in the house LOVE Tinkerbell, including me.
All the kids in the house LOVE Phineas and Ferb, including my husband.
I have to lock up everything, including Shampoo.
We only have 1 phone in our home that stays in the room with me, for fear Edwin will call 911 again.
All the kids have nicknames and love them except for Lena.
Eddie has a side job of making Cd's for my Dad called "Eddie-Bam Beddie Recordings, LLC".
The dishwasher is my favorite appliance of all time!
Eddie and I are currently having a contest to see who can get the most friends on Facebook, he is winning.
We survive on 5 hours of sleep a night...is it because we have 7 kids? No, we watch too much TV!
My favorite place to shop for the kids is Once Upon A Child.
Eddie's favorite store was Steve and Barry's....I still hear about how much he loves that place, he needs to get on with his life now.
My favorite store is Target, big shock! Even though I am lucky to get there every other month!
We keep saying that we hate Wal-Mart, yet end up there weekly!

So, that is our "normal"...and now onto the next blog!

I am Cody Lundin!!!!!!!

I have a lot to tell you about, but I am feeling cruddy (thanks kids) so I am going to tell you one thing tonight and blog like crazy tomorrow!

My husband is a spur of the moment kind of guy, and announced after we decided to take the kids to the mall...that we were going to the mall in Fort Wayne. Now, I am the controlling, planning, need to write this on the calendar type of person. Even though this side of him drives me freaking nuts, I can see his point.....there are times you try to plan something and the boys are just not going to cooperate.

So, after the longest 2 hours of my life since labor we arrived in Fort Wayne. We walked in to utter chaos and even I am getting overwhelmed. Eddie and I get separated ( I don't want to say why we got separated...it will ruin your illusion of out perfect marriage) and at that moment I became Cody Lundin.....

I had Tobey with me (I am sure that surprises you) and I remembered that we should stay at the place that we were separated. So, I stationed myself at the elevator for a half hour, coming to the realization that Eddie was not coming back there...I surveyed my surroundings....I am close to my food source (Orange Julius, Dairy Queen and Blondies Cookies) . I knew that in order to find my lost partner that I must send out some flags. So, I went to every store that I know Eddie would go to (music store, candy store and the place next to the bathrooms) and gave descriptions of a guy in an orange shirt with 6 kids, 2 of which are in car strollers. I then gave myself a good vantage point of being on the top floor overlooking the carousel and the main food court. I then realized that Eddie having no survival skills and 6 kids must be in trouble. I then did my best to flag down outside help and find the security guards. The security guards there are worthless, impossible to catch when escorting a 5 year old who is trying to see everything that spins....

Finally when I am close to exhaustion and getting physically sick from all the sugar I see Eddie and wave him down...We made it folks and I am alive to tell the story!! Tobey Jude however was jacked from all the sugar!

So, that was the the day at the mall and now off to bed and pray that I don't feel like this tomorrow!