The faces of Tobey Jude....

I wonder how people truly view Tobey....I see him as the cutest 6 year old in the world, I see his humor, his spirit and his smile. To me,he is the most amazing kid who has amazing energy and every time he leaves to go to school...I see him taking my heart out that door.

But there are times when I look at him and I see the awkward hand positioning, the spaced off looks, the lack of awareness, the stemming, the confusion of his surroundings and the fear in his eyes.

And then we go to the mall and I see the stares because he is having a meltdown, or the looks of pity after you explain that no he is not shy...he's Autistic... And then they don't look at him the same....there is this sad look on their face and they talk to him like he is a newborn, or not at all.

I have noticed that the grandparents are finally talking to him, and treating him better...maybe they are finally getting used to him. I still see the looks of pity from them...And I still don't think that they really know him...Tobey Jude.

I am so lucky that people at Church know him, there is no pity...they just love him. Not because he is adorable, not because they feel sorry for him...but I think that the may be the only people on this Earth that know him, besides us.

Tobey is this goofball who loves music (The Beatles!!! I trained him right!), he is the most loving kid that loves to look at books and ride our dog. But once you say "He is Autistic"...you might as well just say be quoting Sarah Palin speeches...you have lost your audience...It's frustrating, he is so much more than people see.

I have seen this on Facebook tons of times...you know those copy and paste things that everyone does....special needs don't need pity, they need to just feel normal sometimes and to be accepted for who they are and not defined by it...

On the flip side I don't want to define myself by my children's limitations...I don't want people to see me only as the mother of 2 sons with Autism...but this is a very thin line. I am not embarrassed by my sons and I am proud of them in everything they do, I am proud of all my kids. I am not sure how to be the Mom who stands up for Autism and special needs and also be the Mom to 5 girls, an employee, a Christian, a wife and daughter...It is so hard to the other things when one of them tends to take over your life and is always at the front of my mind.

The sermon yesterday at Church was about if someone asked you if you were a Christian would you be able to answer with a resounding "Yes!" and not have to think about it. I would have no problem with that question, I have no doubt in my heart and soul that I love Christ and I want to follow his ways. But am I the best Christian in the world? Uhmmm...that would be a no. If I have free time I don't spend the time in prayer or reading the Bible. I grab a nap or look up therapies on-line, or try to find a better deal on chewie tubes, or try and take a shower with no interruptions. I myself am the definition of being defined by something that I don't want to at times.....so I guess that I can't blame others for doing that to Tobey Jude when I am not the best example. It is so hard to not let things take over your life, you get trapped in those definitions so easily.

So thanks for the therapy....I am off to have a lunch date with 2 great ladies and then off to an IEP meeting for Tobey, drop off water for lead testing, get a background check for the new job and fill out paperwork for the boys....wait a minute here...I am getting pulled back in.