Not what we planned for....

At the age of 3 we noticed that Edwin was nothing like the girls, we would joke around that he is quiet because he can't get a word in edgewise because he has 2 older sisters. When he would take off, we would say that he is a boy looking for adventure. We were so in denial about Autism that when we took Alison for testing at Riley, I told them tell me anything but Autism....that one scared the heck out of me. I knew, in my heart that he had it, but it was just easier to explain things away. I remember going to the Dr. even with him and just saying that he was having a rough day. When he was finally diagnosed, it was a relief to not have to hide it anymore. We had an explanation why Olivia was surpassing him at every level.

We got pregnant with Tobey on purpose after losing a pregnancy at 5 months along. In my mind I hoped and prayed that I could give Eddie that "normal" son. You know the football player, A+ student, the all- American boy. My sister-in -law was pregnant with a boy at the same time...we both chose names that began with T's and talked about how they would grow up together. And then we had Tobey. Tobey was different from the beginning, very cranky, didn't sleep, just a hard little guy to take care of. I knew what this was leading up to and I knew that this time was worse. I remember going to therapy and saying I am not cool with this. I had this term "I am not bumper-sticker level with this yet."( By the way, I now have 3 bumper stickers concerning Autism.) Trying to come to terms with 2 sons with this thing was so hard to accept. It was really hard for me to see her son, not that I want anything bad for him, it is just hard to see what Tobey could be doing. I still cry every time I leave his house.

Last night Tobey said his first real sentence, I have waited 5 and a half years to hear this. He said " I like mashed potatoes." The crazy thing is he just said it and then walked out like nothing amazing happened. I am amazed at the things he can do despite what we were told he couldn't. I am honored even on the bad days that God thought I was up to this challenge, but just being honest... there are still times that I still feel sorry for myself even though I know that does no one any good.

I have told Eddie on several occasions about how I almost feel guilty about not being able to give him that "normal" son. And every time he tells me he doesn't care about that, he just loves his boys. Which I totally get, there is a lot to love and I don't even know what our lives would be like then. I do know that I wouldn't trade mine for anyone else's.

To see your child do things that are against the odds is one of the most amazing feelings in the world. It is like seeing your baby walk for the first time, but double it! Again I an honored to be raising these precious boys, but today they are having a good day so far...hahaha.

Well, I hope that you have a good one and weathered yet another storm. I am really getting sick of these by the way, I mean enough already. I used to think that they were romantic, now with it keeping 7 kids awake and in fear of losing electricity and cable (gasp!) they are just getting on my nerves.

I will try to have a more light hearted one tomorrow, these are getting a little heavy lately....sorry!