I know that it is the Christmas season and that I should be happy about that. But I seem to just be going through the motions.....And that is not me, I LOVE being with the kids and looking at lights and putting up the tree, but this year I am simply not feeling it.
I thought that we would be spending this weekend settling into a new home and instead we are looking for another house, I am simply getting sick of the whole process. I would give up my arm if someone would just walk up to me and say "Here is what you owe, now move in!" But that is not how things work.
I am usually this happy go lucky person, but last night the whole situation got to me....I am tired, I am stressed, and to be frankly honest on here.....this whole thing has become depressing. I put on a happy face to the kids, I try and joke about it, I am trying to look at the bright side.....it is getting harder by the day.
I have all sorts of people telling me that God just has the perfect house waiting for us and I need to put all my faith in him. It is so much easier said than done, and I am struggling with it. I am strong in my faith and I go to Church nearly every Sunday and I pray....but is that enough? Is the perfect home going to show up just because I am putting all my faith in him?
I am at a loss right now....(if you couldn't tell) and today I am having one of those days that I just don't feel like fighting the fight....I need to get over it!
I went to A Rosie Place today and I saw kids that may not see another Christmas....and I am selfishly thinking of myself. I see the boys seeing Santa and Edwin explaining his list and I am too involved in the world of me to laugh as he is asking Santa what his name is.
I remember so clearly my saddest Christmas, the year my Mom died.....the magic of the holidays was lost forever. I don't want that for my kids this year...I don't want this to be the Christmas that they compare the rest of them too, forever. I want them to always look back at their childhood Christmas's as those magical times where even though they know the truth...they still look in the sky on Christmas Eve in hopes that Santa is up there with Rudolph.
So, that is life right now....I hope I didn't depress anyone, that is never my intention. But I have had people ask why I haven't blogged and I wanted to be honest.
I thought that we would be spending this weekend settling into a new home and instead we are looking for another house, I am simply getting sick of the whole process. I would give up my arm if someone would just walk up to me and say "Here is what you owe, now move in!" But that is not how things work.
I am usually this happy go lucky person, but last night the whole situation got to me....I am tired, I am stressed, and to be frankly honest on here.....this whole thing has become depressing. I put on a happy face to the kids, I try and joke about it, I am trying to look at the bright side.....it is getting harder by the day.
I have all sorts of people telling me that God just has the perfect house waiting for us and I need to put all my faith in him. It is so much easier said than done, and I am struggling with it. I am strong in my faith and I go to Church nearly every Sunday and I pray....but is that enough? Is the perfect home going to show up just because I am putting all my faith in him?
I am at a loss right now....(if you couldn't tell) and today I am having one of those days that I just don't feel like fighting the fight....I need to get over it!
I went to A Rosie Place today and I saw kids that may not see another Christmas....and I am selfishly thinking of myself. I see the boys seeing Santa and Edwin explaining his list and I am too involved in the world of me to laugh as he is asking Santa what his name is.
I remember so clearly my saddest Christmas, the year my Mom died.....the magic of the holidays was lost forever. I don't want that for my kids this year...I don't want this to be the Christmas that they compare the rest of them too, forever. I want them to always look back at their childhood Christmas's as those magical times where even though they know the truth...they still look in the sky on Christmas Eve in hopes that Santa is up there with Rudolph.
So, that is life right now....I hope I didn't depress anyone, that is never my intention. But I have had people ask why I haven't blogged and I wanted to be honest.
Thank you for being honest.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could take it all away.
I will go into prayer overdrive for you.
Sometimes life does really suck...pardon the french.
And guess what. It's ok to have a few down days.
People are right...God does have what your family needs, but apparently not yet.
You are doing everything you can and should be doing. There is some misguided belief that all holidays should be happy and lively. Truthfully, they are days, just like the rest of the year.
Yup, it's the season to remember that our savior was born for us and that is joyful! But we still have to make the bed, stop the kids from fighting, do laundry, etc etc.
Go ahead and have a cup of cocoa and a candy cane. Listen to some christmas music, and watch a Christmas cartoon. It will come.
The happiness.
It will.
Breathe.
If you need a moment, let me know.
I'm around.