Emily Frances wants to be a chef when she grows up, she is much happier watching Food Network than Nickelodeon. She came name off almost all of the chefs and I am sorry to say that Rachael Ray is her favorite, it should be Paula Deen. But because of this unnatural desire for a 4 year old to cook, she gets in the kitchen and "makes" things. Now, I don't mind her helping me make dinner....but when she goes in there by herself, I am not as happy about. Lately, it has been things in the fridge that interest her....milk, eggs, butter, yogurt, etc. And she has been making some messes for me while I am busy attending to another kid. So, now that you have the back story....here is what Tobey Jude did.
While I was helping Olivia with homework, Emily decided to make a cake....and not with my permission, I should add. Well, Tobey seen her with the eggs and yelled "NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!", he then took them from her, brought them to me, pulled on my shirt and said "Emmy!". That's a boy!!! Look at him saving the eggs, and ratting out his sister. Just like a real boy!!! This is so cool, because a year ago, it didn't seem like we really existed in his world. And now? Wow, that is a big thing to know that he sees what is going on around this place, and maybe I will have a second set of eyes around here. He could be like my secret spy, and I can send him on missions to see what everyone is up to.
Eddie and I are planning an at-home date night for Friday. Going out on a night date is simply impossible right now, so we are going to make the best of what we have. After the crew settles down we are going to make a fire and watch a movie and maybe some wine, even. We have hardly got any time to talk lately, so it will be nice to try and have an uninterrupted conversation. He is getting burned out on work, but excited about starting school in a few months....still not sure how the heck we are going to fit everything in. But, where the is will there is a way, and we have a lot of will.
I am loving the weather lately, it has made me in the mood to cook those comfort foods, and bake. Even Eddie got in the mood to bake yesterday, he burned several cookies, but the rest were really good!
Tomorrow we have a ton of errands to do, and Tobey has a dentist appointment, Lord help us. This will be his first time there, so we get the honor of explaining his entire medical history AGAIN. When we went to the eye Dr. last week, this guy that does the initial exam asked me about having two sons with Autism. I explained that there are on different ends of the spectrum and that only Tobey is considered non-verbal, and Edwin goes to a regular classroom. He then asked me what I did differently during my pregnancies with the boys, because our girls don't have Autism. How am I supposed to take that? Does this guy think that I gave my sons Autism? And, considering that no one really knows what causes Autism, am I supposed to know all of the answers? So, I sheepishly told him that I don't know why they have Autism, and to tell the truth, it doesn't really matter now, how they got it.....they do, and I go on with my life.
During one of our growth/support group meetings, that very thing was brought up. Do we blame ourselves for our children's disabilities? To be honest, there are days that I do blame myself, that is just part of being a mother. And as I sat there crying at one of those meetings with overwhelming guilt, another Mom named Sarah that has a son with Autism said something profound, that no one has ever said to me....I can't remember it word for word, but it went something like this....Do you think that we would serve a God, that would punish us for something that maybe we did wrong and give our children a disability? I never thanked her for that, but it changed me. I am not going to say that all of the guilt is gone, but I am better now. I know now, that the God I serve is a loving God, who would not punish me, things happen, sometimes life is not fair....but to be honest again, I can't see my life any other way and I am thankful....I just need to remember that on the rough days!
Well, that is all for today, it is time to take Edwin to school....have a good one!
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