Edwin and Tobey Jude....

For some reason, I tend to raise the 2 boys totally differently. I know what you are thinking...they are different kids and they should be raised differently.

But, I tend to push Edwin to not use Autism as an excuse and then for Tobey I tend to let Autism be his excuse. With Edwin I had no doubt in my mind that come Hell or high water the boy was going to get a diploma no matter what the cost. I didn't care how many hours it took for homework to get done, he in my mind was going to defy the odds that we were told and he was going to get that Diploma and be my (notice how I said "my" not "his own" success story).

But then his suspension got me thinking that maybe I had made this epic mistake and maybe I needed to start laying off of him. Thinking in the long term does he "need" the diploma? Do, I realistically see him going to college and going on to working some high powered job? Or do I see him working at Logan and living off Disability? Do I see him in a "home" like I work in or do I see him going on to that "normal" life of the wife and kids and the 9 to 5 job? And am I even qualified enough to make this huge decision for him? This is one of those times that I wish I had someone of tremendous knowledge to write out the boys futures for me. this magical chart that would tell me the absolute right decision for them without my own selfish ideas.

I considered pulling him out of regular class, and putting him in Lifeskills like Tobey. It is not an easy decision because he is an honors student. But in order for him to be an honors student it is taking a village to educate him, hours of meetings, hours of homework, and stress on an already stressed out family. But, in the back of my mind I (notice that "I" again) want him to have that story of how we were told that he may not graduate and that with family support he defied those odds and is now this world famous scientist. And I sit there at his Noble Peace prize ceremony, tears in my eyes and getting that standing ovation for pushing the heck out of him. I went off on a tangent there.....

I am different with Tobey Jude....not really sure why. It may be that I feel sorry for him (just being honest), maybe I treat him differently because of everything I went through to have him. Or the fact that he has other health problems and that he is so little for his age. But whatever the reason I treat him with kid gloves and don't push him to be his best self. And that is doing him no favors.

It was so hard to put him in Lifeskills, now I couldn't see another path for him. And since we have made the decision for him to not get that precious diploma his future is laid out for him. He will defiantly live in a "home" or with Eddie and I for the rest of his life. He will work at Logan and have to live within the confines of what the government thinks he should live on.

The other kids also have their path laid out for them, they will graduate and go on to have those "normal" lives of school/families/careers.... Our dear Edwin is an enigma, and will be 10 years old in 13 days with his future totally up to us.

So, we are going to sit in an IEP meeting next week on his 10th birthday and discuss all of this for hours. The school is not pushing for Lifeskills in any way, that is me and Eddie who have considered it. But, they also don't know our life and the struggle that it is at times to make him do his work, or the bribing that it takes or that every time the phone rings I have to look at the caller ID and hope that it isn't South Bend Schools calling to tell me that he needs brought home. But, do I just stop doing all that because it is easier for us? Ahhh, the dilemma that is life.

So thanks for letting me vent, and by the way I blogged 2 days in a row now people....just saying.

Eddie sent me an email last night pointing out to me in the kindest (sarcasm) of ways that I failed to mention him in the last blog. So, here you are Eddie a section devoted just to you....

My Dearest Eddie, did you ever know that your my hero? Just kidding....Big guy, I have had a rough week and you my bestest of friends have made me laugh, gave me a nap yesterday, brought me home a plant that I should be able to keep alive, gave me a card and listened to my every complaint and gave me your shoulder to cry on. You didn't try to fix anything you just were there, like you have been for over 15 years. You have been my greatest support and the one person who always "gets" me and I thank you for sticking with me when I had the insane idea that I can do it all.

Also, that shirt you bought me the other day (the revealing one) was cute enough that a 24 year old asked me for my number and that gave me the biggest ego boost...granted he doesn't get out much and had Autism, but I am going to enjoy the compliment none the less...love ya big guy!