The other night while I was getting my Tobey cuddle time, I asked Eddie what he thought Tobey would be like without the 'tism. I probably ask myself that a couple of times a week. We have come to the conclusion that he would probably say some crazy off the wall things and we would not get a word in edgewise. It used to make me super sad to think about what I may be missing out on, what he may be missing out on. But now, it still is a little sad....but getting easier.
It seems like the more I get involved with special needs the more I realize how that is the direction my life is supposed to go. When I was a kid, I went to Church with what they called at that time a mongoloid (thank God they have stopped with that name), and I remember being so curious about her, but being told that I should not talk to the family. I remember trying to get to know the girl that lived across from me that talked with her hands and seeing how my Grandmother who had polio run her own business, with no excuses ever. I high school I was irritated that there was no gym class for a girl in a wheelchair and spending my study hour hanging out and attempting to do some kind of sport with her (to be honest it was much better than study hall). And then in 2008 we were told that the boys had Autism. Crushed.
At the time I was angry with God, really angry. Do I think now that God gave the boys Autism? Of course not. But when you don't have a strong faith, sometimes you tend to blame God for everything. I do believe however, that God has a plan to do some awesome things with the hand we have been given. I have no idea what....but I am confident that he does.
So now, instead of wondering what Tobey would be like if he could communicate and how Edwin would be if well...he didn't want to kill us (insert awkward laugh here) I am going to wonder what amazing plan he has for them. Who knows Edwin may end up being the next Steve Jobs...and Tobey? Well, we all know that Tobey could easily be a male model or a professional runner.
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