Edwin's Appointment.....

There are a lot of times as a parent you just want some educated, loving person to swoop in and make all the decisions that you don't feel qualified for. Today was one of those days. I feel like I am an idiot when it comes to this stuff, and you are the one who makes the decisions. And how are you the one? Because you are the parent, and you have to.

I have been dreading today to be honest, I had this fear of them saying we are going to have to put him away for a long time....like that white van that you used to see in those movies (complete with straight jackets). I had this fear that they were going to tell me that it was my fault, because it is ALWAYS the Mother's fault.

But, they pretty much told me that this is somewhat normal (WHAT!?!?!?!?) behavior for kids like this. Excuse my language coming up here.... How the Hell is this normal? For a kid to have fantasies to kill, to try and cause an accident and become so disconnected that he doesn't know who I am, let alone himself?

I felt alone for weeks, and come to find out this is just part of raising kids like this. Because I guess astronomical bills and seeing their therapists more that your husband is not enough. Out of every Autism book I have read not one tells me that your son is going to make himself so mad that he will hit himself in the nuts, or give you bloody noses. And then an hour later not understand why the kids don't want to share with him.

For, the record I know that this blog is probably going to come across very ranty (not a real word) and not as one of those Yeah for Autism and isn't Tobey cute blogs.... just not there today. Because today Autism is pissing me off, and I don't see the humor today.

So here are our options, we may have to put him in a hospital, unfortunately the closest one that will take kids like him is in Indy....I am terrified to send him away that far, to strangers and knowing what I have seen happens at those places. Our next is drugs, we are starting him on something tonight, and after the Doctor consults with the other Dr's at the practice, we will put him on some stronger stuff. We are also going to bring a new Psychiatrist into the mix and see what they can come up with. And of course watch him like a hawk and record everything..

So, that's it for now, off to clean the house.