Eddie's Grandpa passed away yesterday, Eddie is having a rough time with it. His Grandpa was Edwin Sr, Eddie's dad is Jr, hubby is the third...and my boy has a different middle name because I didn't want him to be a number. Eddie had the honor of his Grandpa asking him to pray over him last week, and he will cherish that forever.
So, I know I have told you about Edwin's mind and how seeing him grow up is an amazing experience...and it is. But, now I am going to share with you the part that is not neat and fun. With Edwin growing and maturing he is becoming very hard at times to take care of. We have talked to Dr.s and therapists trying to figure out what to do. Most of the time at home he is our awesome Edwin but the times he isn't are getting hard to deal with.
Within the last week, he has tried to take the steering wheel out of my hand while going down the road, I caught him trying to lock up his sister and we are all having to keep a very close eye on him with the little kids so he doesn't hurt them. I am having the hardest time dealing with the last thing...Tobey can't tell me if Edwin is hurting him and Melody and Emily love him so much that they want to be with him.
I have tried every trick I can think of like telling him that Jesus doesn't want him to act like this and I have even resorted to bribing. In a perfect world Edwin would have his own area to just get away from us...with 8 family members, not possible. I thought that if I got him into activities that would help, now he just seems to "save" his behavior for us.
As a Mom I keep thinking I can "fix" him. And it is so hard to admit that there are things I can't do, it is even harder to admit that I am scared of my son at times. I feel like I am failing him as a Mom, because shouldn't I be able to handle him? I have honestly gotten to the point where I have even wondered why God thought I could handle him.
So,we are going to have a pediatrician appointment to discuss either putting him in the Bowen Center for treatment, or heavily medicating him. It is so frustrating because most of the time he is awesome Edwin, and then maybe 15% of the time he is this kid I don't know. I am not thrilled with either solution...with the Bowen Center we will lose contact with our son for a week and I have to trust strangers with someone so precious to me, and with medicating I am terrified we are going to lose the awesome Edwin who has come so far.
We have noticed this coming for a while, but now even his teacher has noticed that he is in that imaginary world more and more all the time. And every time I think that we see him moving forward, and then he tries to cause harm.
I know, that as Mom's we are not equipped to deal with everything our kids throw at us (literally) but it so hard to admit that you don't have all the answers.
Oh boy. We just went through that with eldest. It is so hard. We finally told her that if she didn't stop she was going to have to go to Oaklawn. For us its different because she has less autistic tendancys. The thing is, yes you want to protect Edwin but you have littler ones who need protecting to. It will do you all good to not be scared for a week and him a good chance of getting better control of himself. It'll be worse if he doesn't as he gets older for everyone.
ReplyDeleteI am praying for you and your sweet family daily, my friend.
ReplyDeleteLife does have it's hurdles and it ain't fun!
You are a wonderful, mom and person and God will surely get you through.
I love you.