When my Dad died and I was (well, still) having all these emotions about him Eddie kept asking me how my relationship with God was going. I would just give him the generic answer of "It's fine" and even though he was not satisfied he would move on and not pressure me too much. Well, he kept pushing and I finally told him how I really felt....
How in the world was I supposed to keep developing my relationship with God when I couldn't seem to keep my head above water? I was having a hard time keeping relationships going with the people who were in front of my face...like Eddie and the 7 children that keep wanting dinner every single night? Too be honest I was failing at even being a good wife ( the brunt of my anger went to poor Eddie) and you want to know how I am doing with God? I didn't know what day of the week it was. I had lost my Dad, my job and moved in a 3 day period.
Now, don't get me wrong I am NOT angry with God. I personally don't understand why people blame God for everything going wrong. I have heard God being blamed for everything from lost keys to miscarriages. For my Dad's death I blame...well, my Dad. He was the one who made the decisions that caused his life to end. He thought of only himself and threw caution to the wind about how everything should be handled. I blame his immaturity and his thought that he was invincible....guess what? He was not invincible.
Now with that being said, when I get to heaven I have some questions for the big Guy. But the one that I will ask for first is " Why is Tobey Jude the way he is?". I have known people who did drugs during pregnancies and their kids are "normal". That is one fact that has never sat well with me. I have even talked to people about that particular question and I get those responses from people like "He knew you were going to be a strong woman and knew you can handle it" or "He only gives those children to the special parents". Heck, there are even poems about that. But with how well meaning those comments are, and I know they really don't know what to say...those responses are honestly a bunch of malarkey (old word, look it up). But notice that I didn't blame God, just would like an answer.
**DISCLAIMER**
Just want to make sure that blog world understands I am not angry that Tobey Jude is the way he is. I do feel blessed every day that I get to be that little vacuum -loving kids Mom.
So here dear husband is your complete answer....My journey to God is getting there. There is a reason it is called a journey. Because even though I wasn't moving ahead I had to sit and take break, like a rest stop. (Let's see how long I can continue this analogy). I didn't backtrack or even take a wrong turn (still going with analogy) but I needed to regroup or and fill up my tank (okay I am stretching it here). And I am back on the path and getting back to where I needed to be headed (better now). Thank God, that I have you and our Church as my GPS and they saw that I was stranded on the journey (that was pretty good, and deep).
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