This needs to be said.....

My heart is broken, maybe that is not even a good enough word. Shattered, that is a better word. And I think that is the only word that I can think of to describe of when I heard about yet another shooting. It is so senseless....

At school last week my kids were making those holiday crafts with their hand prints and glitter. And I know that while they are skillfully crafting their works of art all they are thinking of is Christmas is coming and Mom and Dad are going to LOVE this! And to think that they will never get to bring them home, and Santa isn't coming for them.....whew. So many lives, senseless....

After the incident in Colorado, Ed and I had several talks on how this happens. Anyone who does this kind of thing obviously suffers from some sort of mental illness.   As it turns out, the Connecticut shooter was no different.   This has caused Eddie and I to draw certain parallels in our life.

According to Fox news this guy had Autism, for one I generally don't listen to Fox, but when I hear Autism my ears perk up. I am NOT going to be that parent who says "Don't blame Autism" or "Don't label my child with that". 

You see, Edwin has a fascination with guns.   We were told years ago by a doctor to never let him have even a toy gun, because he would become obsessed.   That's what autistics do. So, we do not allow him to have a gun.  We have no games that have guns, and he has never seen a war movie or had a GI Joe doll.  (husband:  they are called action figures)  Then, one day at the park, some boys approached Edwin and asked if he wanted to play.

We were on seventh heaven!   He was socializing!   Five minutes later, here comes Edwin and the boys...they are playing war using their hands as guns.   He was hooked.  Then a  few years later he got a Nerf dart thing in his Easter basket.  It was as close to NOT being a gun as you can get.   He proceeded to wait in the car for hours so he could "shoot the thugs" with it. Red flag!   This was premeditation with intent.  

We threw it out that night.

As his parent we have done everything we can to keep him away from that stuff.  He talks to professionals.  He is medicated.  He loves Jesus. 

 And yet, when he is considered an adult, he can legally, and without our knowledge or permission, purchase a gun.   After all, it is his second amendment right. All of the care and work Eddie and I are doing to make sure he turns out as a participating member of society and he can still purchase a gun.  He is mentally challenged!   Even the government recognizes this!   But there is NOTHING preventing him from buying a gun.   Even if there was, apparently gun laws do not seem to apply at gun shows!  

Look,  I understand about people needing it for hunting or protecting their homes. Cops obviously need them to protect citizens, our soldiers use them in war. But why would Edwin need one? He doesn't. But he can get one. Senseless and scary.

I keep hearing people say "Guns don't kill people, People kill people".  Obviously I know that a gun sitting on a table is not going to get up and shoot me like that gun on the Rudolph special that shoots jelly. (I know...jelly)  But when a mentally ill person gets a hold of a gun, whether purchasing one or getting one from their parent's collection, there is less preventing them from going on a shooting rampage than you or me.   They do not have ANY impulse control.  As a parent of 3 kids with Autism, get me help now! Tell me whatever the heck I need to do so that this is not my child doing this.

Now, it is at this point that I would like to say there was more than mental illness involved in this tragedy.   There was definite evil here.  I am not providing this SOB with an excuse or a cop out.   What he did was, in every sense of the world, heinous.

But since people are more concerned with the fact that they have the "right" to own a gun and less with any sense of responsibility, especially when it pertains to special needs, we need to take different approach to this.

If you are going to allow Edwin to get a gun, because he has the "right" too, then you better let me know how I am supposed to keep an Adult Edwin from doing this to YOUR family. Because this kid, who thinks he is a spy can NOT control his impulses, he LIVES in a fantasy world at times still has to be told to eat,  or wear underwear. And why is he like that? Because he is messed up in the head! I don't allow him alone with my other kids or even to take the dogs out by himself because he is not capable. So don't give him a gun!!!!

Please understand...Edwin is a great kid.   He is not a murderer or a psychopath.   He shows no signs of violence or hatred.  He is, at times, a goofball.   But, if his siblings anger him, there is no thought, only reaction.  His impulse is to lash out and hit.   Now, take that impulse, add ten years and a loaded automatic rifle.   I think you see where I am going.

There are things that I will fight till the ends of the Earth for my kids, all my kids to have rights for. But not this...take that right away from them. Don't let me end up as that parent who  is forever living in regret because of my son shooting someone, or dead myself.

I would also add that (soapbox warning) that, as a country and a society, we throw around the words "freedom" and "rights" around entirely too much.   We almost never mention responsibility.   It is a tragedy what happened to the shooter's mother (dead by his hands), but she had a responsibility to recognize that he should NOT have had ANY access to guns, incidental or otherwise.  Unfortunately for her, she paid that price.

Now, for some advice:  If you are a parent that worries because your child shows signs of wanting to hurt people or talks incessantly about getting even or violence,  TELL SOMEONE!!!  Tell your doctor.   Tell his teachers.   Tell your pastor.   Swallow your pride and talk to SOMEONE...and for Heaven's sake,get the guns out of your home!  It takes a week to own a handgun.   It takes less than a second to pull a trigger.  

I once heard someone say if you are scared that you are in over your head than you are probably in over your head. Get some help, admit their is something wrong ( I know it's hard) but it is the right thing to do. For your child and everyone else.

I am the the mother of Edwin, a kid that could grow up and hurt someone. But, I am also a Mother who saw 3 girls that had 3 of my daughter's names scroll on that bottom of the screen on CNN and I don't ever want to see that again.