Tantrums VS Meltdown

It's Melissa here.   I'm back.   I've composed myself and I believe I have done the proper amount of mourning for our dear friend, VIZIO.   Now, I want to tell a little story about last night.   It goes a little dark, but I promise there is a light at the end.
We have been tinkering with with the Monkey's (Tobey) medication, under a doctor's supervision of course.  For several months now he has been on an ever increasing does of Ritalin.   And, it is an amazing drug.   For the first time in EVER, the monkey watches TV (part of the reason the flat screen fiasco {sub-parenthetical--it now has a name} happened), talks a little, focuses and, yes, even has conversations.  
He will never give the emancipation proclamation, but his sentences are getting up to two and three words.   Occasionally, he will even say a complete sentence out of the blue.  Language is hard for the little dude.   Some autistics draw or use computers to explain their needs and wants, but the monkey boy cannot do that...yet.   So, right now is very frustrating for him.  
Now, couple this with 0% impulse control.   What is impulse control?  Have you ever thought what it would feel like to stick your finger into a light socket?   We all have, if even only briefly.   However, that little voice inside of us says,"you idiot".   Then we think better of it.  Tobey does not have that voice.   He is a very visceral person, meaning he reacts on a primal level.   If he thinks he needs to punch something, he will.   If he needs to watch Ni-Hao Kai Lin, he will.   He is on risperidone for it, but we still have to keep an eye on the little guy. 
So, now we have a little monkey dude who cannot express his frustration and what is making him upset couple with 0% impulse control.
Now, small children have this same problem.   This is what happens when you see a temper tantrum in a store.   The child is tired and does not feel their need are being met.   They have no impulse control and then BOOM, temper tantrum.
Meltdowns are different.   There is no stopping a meltdown.   You cannot control it, you can only contain it.  And during it, the person having it is often a danger to themselves, perhaps others.  This is why when you see a special needs person having a meltdown, the best thing to do is NOT look and try to walk away, unless of course the situation calls for help.   Then by all means, help.   But extra attention only escalates it.  And so does ignoring it.   In fact, most meltdowns are escalated internally by the person having it.  
Which brings me to the second difference between tantrums and meltdowns.   During a tantrum, the child (hopefully) still recognizes you as the person in charge and is aware, although uncaring, of the surroundings. 
During a meltdown, the person quite often "blacks out".   They don't recognize you.   They lose skills, though mostly it is temporary.   and, in extreme cases, they can seize (seizure).
This is what happened last night.   Mr. Monkey became agitated.   He then worked himself into a frenzy...right as Eddie was starting dinner.   It got to a point where we had to send the kids upstairs as they were loud and obnoxious, making the situation worse.  
At one point, Tobey forgot how to use a fork.  (we were trying to feed him before we put him to bed early).   And, he had a seizure.   Not a violent one, but he lost sense of the world for a few moments.   As parent, it is times like this that scare the living hell out of you.  
Eddie and I make jokes about the 'tism, and we make light out of these situations as best we can, because we feel that if we let it get to us, there will be no helping us.   And that is a dark place to be. 
Monkey is fine now.   The next day is always a little weird because you don't know what they have lost.   And it was not much.   So, bonus!
In future posts, I am going to try and delve deeper into this subject as Eddie and I are going to be researching and approaching different treatment methods for Monkey boy.
Hey!   Thanks for letting me vent!

A guest post by the husband

Hi all, Eddie here.   I thought I would write this next post as Melissa is still traumatized by the events of yesterday.  
Have you ever heard of a football team employing the "twelfth man"?   This refers to the crowd in a stadium cheering for the home team, booing the away team.  Many times it so loud and raucous that it affects the outcome of the game, thus...the twelfth man.
Melissa and I have something like that.   We call it "the third parent".   It is our TV.  And in this case, it is our 47" VIZIO flat screen TV.  
We bought it three years ago for over 900 dollars.   Now, let me just say, we don't just have 900 dollars.   It was a tax check purchase and we had been shopping around for one for about four months.   We did our research and wanted to get the most bang for our buck. 
The VIZIO is great, although it proved to be a bit of a pain when it comes to universal remotes.   We loved our Friday night movie nights, our Saturday morning cartoons, our weekday TODAY shows in the morning.  
Our TV warned us of impending bad weather.  It entertained us.  It educated us.   It babysat our kids.   .
We loved our TV.   The kids loved our TV.  In short, the TV was family.   However, all good things must come to an end. 
The kids and I love a cartoon network show called "The Regular Show".  It is irreverent and hilarious, and extremely quotable.   So naturally, we bought the DVD.
Yesterday, we played the DVD and there came a moment when it froze, momentarily.  Tobey became frustrated and slapped the TV.   We quickly admonished him and fixed the DVD player, problem solved.
Then, Melissa and I left our teenager, Lena, in charge as we went to the store to pick up dinner.   A short while later we returned home.   Lena came running out of the front door.  
"OMIGOD OMIGOD!!!"  she was yelling.   Instantly, we feared the worst.
 "Is the TV OK?" we asked.   (I'm just kidding, we asked about the kids.)
"It's Tobey...he did something..." she trailed off.  "He cracked the TV."  This is how I reacted. 
The DVD had frozen once again.   Lena had gone to the restroom.   In that few seconds, Tobey grabbed the broom and shoved it through the screen of our precious TV.   Now, if one of my kids ever becomes a mass murderer or worse, a politician, I know I will be able to support them.  I was able to keep my calm.   But, sometimes, especially with autism, life can feel like this.  Pay attention to the :47 second mark.
So now, we are a day removed.   We are using an old 27" Tube TV.   It's like we're Amish.  
And, I think we learned a lesson that day.   We really need to get cable.

Decisions, decisions

My last post was, admittedly, kind of a downer.   But, it expressed my real feelings and concerns I have for my children.  But, dear reader, I have been keeping a secret from some of you.   So now I must come clean.
My husbands department at work is being shut down.  All of the employees are being offered transfers to different departments.   Transfers to Chattanooga, Tennessee were thrown into the mix.   I asked Eddie to check into it.   If approved, Eddie would receive a moving package plus some living expenses.
Now, there are some thoughts that come to mind when I think of Tennessee, especially in the Chattanooga area:
Mountains.
Lack of snow.
Beautiful scenery.
No snow.
Barbecue.
Did I mention they only get about 2 inches of snow a year?
But, upon further investigation, we found out that there are some really good opportunities for Tobey as far as Autism schools are concerned.   Plus, in Georgia (which Chattanooga just borders to the north), the medicaid insurance covers ABA therapy.
We decided to make the move.   We were just waiting for Eddie's work to approve the transfer and let us know what the moving package would be. 
Unfortunately, as of this writing, we never did get an answer.  Not for lack of Eddie's trying to get the information.  
And then, Eddie was offered a job near our house.   And by near I mean a ten minute walk away.  And, the pay would be roughly the same amount he would get when he transferred, minus of course the excessive cost of gas we pay for Shaggy (our extremely ugly and fuel inefficient...vee-hickle...that's another blog for another day).
Well, we pressed Eddie's job again and again, but still, no information. 
And then, we went to Wal-Mart.
As we walked through the Christmas section, we realized how much stress we were under living in this Limbo, how much stress the kids were under, and how much we would miss our family.  
And, we would miss our Living Stones Family.
We decided that Eddie would accept the job in Plymouth and I would try to get a job, but we needed to stay in Plymouth.   In Indiana.   With the people who love not only us, but love our kids unconditionally. 
So that's the long and the short of it.   Mostly the long.  
But now, I have to figure out what i am going to do about the Jude-Monkey.  
And where the heck am I going to get some boiled peanuts?