Happy Father's Day Eddie!

As you are outside grilling and being all manly I wanted to jump on here and tell you thanks for a few things, so here I go....

• Thanks for asking me to marry you, and for not letting a single day go by without making me laugh to the point of tears.
• Thank you for Lena Elaine, Alison Rose, Edwin Jesse, Olivia Grace, Tobey Jude, Emily Frances and Melody Summer....for them I will never be able to thank you enough.
• Thank you for bringing our family to Christ.
• Thank you for fixing the car, the toilet, the sink..the list goes on and on.
• Thank you for putting up with all the pets I keep bringing into our home.
• Thank you for giving me back rubs every night even though you are tired.

But most of all thank you for showing me what a real man is. You have been faithful to me and our family for 17 years, despite the fact that we have had a lot thrown at us....you never turned away. Thank you for being the a great example to our daughters of what they need to look for in their own spouse, for showing them what kind of Dad that they are going to want for their kids. Thank you for being the most involved Dad I know, and you manage to do that with 7 kids.

Happy Father's Day, Eddie. I love you more than you will ever know......

June 22, 2008, a day that changed our lives...

A week from tomorrow I walked into a place that terrified me! There was this loud music, I met this guy with tattoos, I knew NO one and I was in utter fear.

Where was this place you may ask? It was my amazing Church! Living Stones! And because of this place I have not been the same. I am surrounded by people that love us for who we are, and they don't judge us for our past. The first sermon that I heard was about Betrayal, that moment when you are upset with the world...including God. I walked into that Church at the perfect time, because I felt that the whole world had betrayed Eddie and I. I remember when the service was over I was in shock, for one I have never heard a Pastor be so real and I remember feeling God come into my life and tell me that even though things were looking bad...I would overcome this with his help. I also remember that I had felt more at home there than I have ever felt anywhere...I still do.

When I walk into that Church now, I have friends and friends that are my family now. We have a true life now and we now know the meaning of what a family really is. Through that Church I have people who pray for my kids when we are at appointments, who drop off meals when life is knocking us down, people I can go to lunch with and be extremely goofy and go bead shopping ( I miss that, BTW), people who know what it is to walk in life of taking care of special needs children, people who give me advice on those parenting issues that I have no idea how to handle and I have a Pastor who lets me cry in his office when things are too much to handle. I am comfortable there...it is my home.

But next month, I am putting myself in that vulnerable position for a couple of weeks of walking into a new Church for the first time and I will have Mr. Tobey Jude in his Autistic awesomeness, complete with leash. And I am terrified of the stares and of being turned away. You see, I have a dream of doing Disability Ministries some day and in order for me to see how to do it I have to see how other Churches do it. And I will also get to have that experience of being the parent, scared to death and surrounded by strangers and trying to wrangle a kid being taken out of his element.

I want to find out how to make parents feel comfortable and reassured that their special little one will be in good hands. I want to study how the parishioners deal with seeing a kid like him and most importantly I want to see how they will love my Tobey Jude.

Eddie and I have gotten very comfortable in our routine of knowing what to expect where we go. I know not to take Tobey to Wal-Mart and Lord knows I know I will NEVER go to Silver Beach with the kids again. I know that Tobey does great in restaurants that have background noise and has a lot of things to look at. But this...I have no idea!

And then after 3 weeks of being the "new" person at three different Churches I will come back home again, and hopefully understand better what we need to do at my Church.

PS, Amy O! Don't go giving all the volunteers a vacation because the Holstein's aren't coming. Eddie will bring the rest of the crew...and without me there, Eddie may need his own trailbuddy. Just sayin'

Is this the same kid? And Thank you!!!

I have this amazing little guy in my house, he looks like my Tobey Jude, and he laughs like my Tobey Jude. But this kid is a cereal making, watching TV and talking (yes, talking) Tobey Jude! It is the funnest thing ever! Now, don't get me wrong we are not discussing Socrates over here..but I know what he wants to drink and what show he wants to see. To me that is a miracle! It is also Ritalin...but we are just going to go with miracle.

I have heard horror stories about Ritalin and when they said that we should try it, I was terrified. I didn't want another Zombie (get it LSC?) but his activity level was getting to be to much for us to handle. The great thing is, he is still Tobey...goofy, fun, studly. Just a calmer more focused Tobey. Thank you God and thank you Ritalin! Woo hoo!

I am not going to lie, this has been a couple of the most stressful months ever. We are still not sure what all is going on with Edwin, and because of so many important things going on with him at the same time (Autism, Rheumatic Fever, Arthritis, Heart issues, psychiatric problems) we are not able to even make it to every appointment. Despite my best efforts he has not to the eye Dr yet, even though I have made the appointment 4 times. It's not that it is not important, it 's just that they are sending us everywhere in Indiana to get all the other issues taken care of.

Besides the boys we have have 5 girls who have been patient but are getting a little fed up with being put on the back burner...and I don't blame them. I would be a little upset if I were them. So, this weekend I am going to make a pointed effort of not talking about Dr's and just have some fun with them (that will have to start on Saturday, we have 5 appointments on Friday...whoops).

We have had a lot of people asking us how we are handling everything that has been going on. I even had some one make a comment to me that they were surprised we are still Christians with everything God has done. My answer is, we could not have done this without God and our Church. I don't know how you could get through bad times without God and Faith. I think it would just crush you.... I can also tell you that I did more praying in that mental institution than I did last Sunday at Church! I think I prayed more than a Nun in that place, it worked we made it out alive! I used to think I would like to work in a place like that, I have changed my mind. That was emotionally draining, I was starting to wonder about my own mental health (right now you are saying, "She is just NOW wondering?).

We would also like to thank everyone for the prayers, meals, cards, gift cards and financial assistance that helped out more than you could ever know! We could not have gotten through this without you...and because of you, we have great faith that this will all be a distant memory while we are watching Edwin play sports again and rocking it out on the guitar! We love you all....

Jenny McCarthy should be tarred and feathered....

I am not a fan of Jenny McCarthy to say the least...now her cousin Melissa? That woman is AWESOME! But this blog is not about the Amazing Melissa, this is about Jenny.

When the boys were first diagnosed with the 'tism, I looked everywhere for info. At the time there was not many celebrities that had "come out" about having a child with Autism, she was one of the few. I bought her book, I looked at her websites, I read how she had "cured" her son and grasping for straws I prayed for the resources to "cure" mine.

But then I saw it, she blamed vaccines and I knew right then and there not to get my medical advice from Playmates. You see long before the boys were diagnosed I noticed that Edwin had some odd quirks and I did not want  to take a chance with Tobey developing those quirks and I refused to vaccinate him, in fact I grew to distrust anyone in the medical field. Well guess what? Even without being vaccinated Tobey Jude is Autistic!!!! Like really Autistic, non-verbal, high energy, seizure having Autistic!

I am now a huge fan of Dr's, in fact I take the kids Pediatrician's cupcakes (by the way, if you want you Dr to be your best friend treat them and the staff, it goes a long way). And my personal opinion of why we have kids with Autism is that Eddie and I were a horrible genetic match, and I think that there is also an environmental factor to the whole thing. Like I am not real trusting of some of the foods we are eating..pink slime anyone?

I am so sick of hearing the thousand theories of what caused it, I have three kids with it and I want to know what to do to help them. I know there is no cure, I just want them better. And thanks to the amazing Dr's that we have Tobey making HUGE strides this week alone! He has not only said "Hi Mommy, Hi Daddy" to Eddie and I but the boy watched an entire television show!!! He has never sat down for 5 minutes to watch TV before!

I wrote this huge blog the other day, and to be honest even though it was amazing (if I may say so) I will probably never publish it. It started out talking about how things are so unfair for kids like Tobey. Edwin and Alison are probably going to get to lead a somewhat normal life with help. Tobey however, will not. We are now past that time when things can turn around for him, all we can do now is make the best of it. To give him the best and most fulfilling life we can. To give him every opportunity in life we can, and if we get turned away to find out another way to do it.

On Monday I had to take Edwin to a Psychiatrist, it happened to be in a mental institution. It was eye opening, and I am positive that the people that were in there were not in there because their parents vaccinated them. It is Mental Illness! There is nothing simple about it, it is devastating. Mental illness is unfair, because it takes beautiful children and turns them into those adults that you see and you cross the road to get      away from.

So, if I had an opportunity to talk to Jenny McCarthy (after I asked her for advice on how she dealt with Jim Carrey so long...help a sister out here, Eddie is wearing me down!). I would first explain to her that taking off her clothes is not helping making people aware of Autism, it is only making us aware of implants. I would then ask her to get a medical degree before she starts publishing more books then Temple Grandin has. Last but not least, I would ask her for Melissa's phone number because I think I would totally love to go to lunch with her...love that woman!