The dark side of Autism.....

I debated for a while whether or not I wanted to write this post. But, I want to be open about every aspect of Autism, so here I go.....

The honeymoon is over, Tobey's meds at first seemed to almost "fix" him( I don't think he is broken, but I can't think of a different word). Tobey had language that we had never experienced, his activity level went down and he had no aggression. And then? I noticed less words, his activity level and elopement (escaping) increased and the aggression has returned.

The aggression is the hardest thing to deal with. Lately, he has been targeting me....I currently have 4 bruises on my arms to prove it. He has hit me in the back, kicked me and pinches and head butts. I would rather it be me than the other kids, so we are getting by. But last night he was so mad that he took it out on himself and that is the hardest thing to watch. He kept putting his hands around his own throat and scratching himself. It is one of the worst feelings in the world to see your child hurt themselves and you can't make him stop despite your best efforts. Last night I sat there with him and just put my head in my hands and wanted to cry. Eddie reminded me that I am doing him no good crying for him, but sometimes you can feel like there is nothing else to do.

I know that Autism is 2 steps forward and 1 step back. I hate that step back. I am not sure if it's worse to get to see the glory of having your child act "almost normal" and then have it taken away,or if it's worse to never get to see them reach those precious milestones at all.

I keep having people telling me that "He is in there....You will get it back". Which is sweet and probably the correct thing to say. But,with Autism that is not always the case.

Besides increasing his medication we have tried to figure out what is setting him off. He has aggression issues at school and at dinner time mainly. He has also started having seizures with no triggers. Triggers are a few things that are known to cause seizures (warm temps, being sick, stress,commotion).But a few nights ago he had 2 in his sleep,which scared the heck out of me! I am starting to think that Tobey may be sleeping with me until his twenties (sorry, honey). I was just starting to warm up to the idea of putting him in with Edwin.

So, here is the other news on the Holstein front....

Lena and Mac broke up...he is not in to long distance relationships (he lives on the other side of town).

Alison has a field trip to Chicago this week and is driving me nuts with it.

Edwin (along with Tobey and Alison) gets to start softball on Sunday!

Olivia has begun her gardening.

Tobey-his teacher is encouraging a haircut....she has sent home pictures of John Lennon with short hair and keeps joking that Tobey is saying "haircut". Nice try Mrs Hendricks....he MAY get a trim if we can get him sedated for the Barber.

Emily has her first eye Dr. appointment in the morning, she is so excited!

Melody has put on her Easter dress for 4 days in a row!

Eddie is the big news around here though! He got a HUGE promotion at work! No more over night shifts and no more working on the floor! He now has an office job starting Monday. No more crazy hours for him....I never thought the day would come when we both would have "normal" schedules! This means we can have more sleep and family time, which will be great.

Now, here is a little fact about Eddie and I. We have a very strong marriage, he is my best friend in the world. We have been through a lot and will be married 15 years in June. When Eddie has no sleep his personality which is always at a 10 (if you know him, you know what I am saying). When he has had sleep his personality goes to a 17!! Which I found out on vacation...I love this man with my whole heart, but now that he will have regular hours and sleep I am not sure how much Eddie I can take. I think we have a good marriage in part to being sleep deprived (maybe that is how we lasted so long!)

Well, I think that is all the news here....today I have my first meeting with the state and guardians which I am a nervous wreck about! It is very hard to sit across from the Mom's of the guys that I am responsible for and explain every ER visit, Dr. appointments...etc. So,I am off to try and make myself look like one of those responsible adults. Have a great day!

Eddie's other Wives...

As you know our daughter Emily believes with her whole heart that she is the love of her Daddy's life. She brushes his hair, helps make his meals and I have even seen her tuck him in after working the over night shift.

But, Eddie has another wife now. I suppose I should have known this was coming....I go to work now,I don't cook as much as I used to. I am not here to lovingly fold his underwear, or to help his man ego. So,Eddie decided to move on to another wife.

Her name? It is CJ, I count her as one of my dearest friends...and I couldn't ask for a better sister wife. Twice a week she is supposed to come and help me out with housework because of our jobs. But she does so much more than that. She will make the kids lunch, do laundry, organize my closets, hug me when I am crying,give me advice on Tobey, tell me resources for the kids. One day when Eddie and I were having a fight (yes, we do fight) she was our marriage counselor. My kids are calling her Mom number 2, to me she is the sister I never had.

I always have people asking me how we do it all.. I answer that it is the grace of God. God sent us CJ,and I am so thankful.

CJ is my inspiration....she is raising 2 kids with special needs and does it with a grace that I aspire to. She has the guts that I wish I had ( I am working on this). She took a lot on when she said that she would help us out and for that I will always be thankful.

Thank you CJ, for all that you do and for being insane enough to call us your family.

The Mac and Cheese

First off I am not the creator of the recipe,I can not be blamed for your health problems if you decide to eat this often. You have Paula Deen to blame.

If you have high cholesterol, heart issues, lactose intolerant, gluten issues....this is not for you. So, here you are due to popular request.

The Killer Mac and Cheese

1 large box of Macaroni, cooked al dente and drained
1 pound of sharp cheddar cheese (shredded)
1 pound of mozzarella cheese (shredded)
1 pound of Colby jack (shredded)
1 medium box of Velveeta (cut into small cubes)
2 eggs
1 16oz. carton of sour cream
2 small cartons of whole creme
handful of Parmesan cheese
salt (you don't need much)
pepper ( I like to see a lot of pepper in mine)

You take everything but the macaroni and mix it together in a super big bowl, after everything is mixed you add the macaroni. I place mine into a huge roasting pan (this makes enough to take to a reunion or church picnic (make sure Melody is not around the swings, haha). Going on, make sure you grease the pan. One trick I do is make this the night before and put in the fridge to let everything to mix together, it also helps make it gel together well and it will not be soupy. Then place it in the oven at 375 until it is hot, bubbly and browning at the top. It usually takes about 45 minutes, or the time it takes me to dress 7 kids.
Enjoy my friends, but just not to often!

Easter 2011

Here it is Sunday night and the kids are jacked on candy, Eddie and I are full from the best ham ever (Paula Deen all the way people), and feeling so blessed by our life.

We gave the kids their baskets yesterday.....

1. Lena got a basket with makeup, perfume and one of those sleeping masks.


2. Alison got a Glee themed basket (we watch the show together).


3. Edwin got a basket with a nerf gun (that was a mistake...he has done several drive by shootings).


4. Olivia got a basket full of gardening stuff.


5. Tobey's basket had a bunch of cars in it.


6. Emily got a basket with Barbie's and cheer leading stuff.


7. And last but not least Melody got a Sesame Street basket.

We had a good size group here for dinner, the kids loved the Easter egg hunt! We also had all the kids plant flowers in pots for them to take home. My mac and cheese was a hit. My mother in law could not get over it.

So, now onto another subject....I had some "family" on Eddie's side make some unkind comments about our faith today on Facebook. They put down my faith and my parenting. They are Jewish so I didn't think that inviting them over for a ham infused Easter dinner was a mistake. They obviously felt otherwise. But, they went too far putting down Christianity on one of our biggest holidays.

I am a forgiving person, but I will NEVER back down on my Faith and I will NEVER stop saying that Christ is my King. I am first to admit that I have never raised my arm in Church or danced in the aisle (even though I have come close). But my heart is true towards my King Jesus Christ, and for that I will never apologize for that and I will never deny my love for him...even if that means telling family that I will never talk to them again.

So,if you saw that comment that she wrote I am sorry....And for the record I don't think I know any Nazi sympathizers. I do know several unwed Mothers, they are welcome in my home. And the example that I am setting for my children is that we are to love and not judge.

So, now I am going to settle the kids down and watch a movie with the hubby and probably have some of the kids Easter candy while they are sleeping. Happy Easter my friends!

Easter with the Holstein's

Last year at Easter we found out about the lead poisoning...this year we are in a safe home and I have the weekend off so this year is going to ROCK!!!!

On Saturday we are going to color eggs with the kids and then I am going to do a craft with some of them while Eddie takes Olivia to dance and Lena and her main man Mac roller skating. We will probably watch Prince of Egypt with the kids and then make another attempt to watch Passion of the Christ with Lena.I say attempt because Lena could not concentrate on the movie because the guy playing Jesus was hot according to Lena....ahhh, a life with a teenage girl.

Speaking of Passion of the Christ...Eddie was watching it the other day and Emily walked downstairs and saw what he was watching. It was the part where Jesus had been beaten but he had not been put on the cross yet. So, here is the conversation that Eddie had with our 4 year old.

Emily---Why are there so many scratches on that guy?
Eddie---Because they beat him?
Emily--- Well,what did he do wrong?
Eddie---Nothing Emily, that is Jesus. He didn't do anything wrong, he only helped people.
Emily---But why did they hurt him?
Eddie--- I can't tell you why Emily, But I can tell you that he did it for you Emily.
Emily---Really? That is neat.

So, just for the record Emily the 4 year old gets it....Lena will probably still think he is hot. How are they by the same parents?

Last year I got all the girls matching outfits for Easter Sunday....this year that was nearly impossible. Melody wears a size 3 toddler and Lena is now in a size 7 in juniors. So the oldest 3 girls have matching dresses and Emily and Melody have matching dresses. The boys are going to have matching shirts, they hated me last year for their outfits.

Last year I went through the huge expense of making the baskets, and this year I bought them pre-made. We are also going to have dinner at home,which will be a ton cheaper then going to Tippecanoe Place.

We are going to have several people over this year. Eddie's parents are coming this year, his brother with his family and his sister with her family. I have no idea what size of ham to get. I love to cook, so I am really looking forward to it. Besides the obvious stuff we are going to have my killer mac and cheese. No, that is not just a cute title. I do believe that if you eat this stuff very often it could actually kill you. It has 5 different cheeses, sour cream, whole cream and a half a pound of butter. Not healthy...but honestly once someone cried when they ate it and describes it as simply "love in a pan". It is awesome....hopefully no one has a heart attack!

So, that is all for today my friends....have a great day and Happy Easter. Oh, by the way our Church is having 3 early services on Sunday, you should all be there.....Google Living Stones Church for the info (I am not great with the linky thing), besides learning the true meaning of Easter you will also get to see Lena in a dress. She is threatening to run away if I keep making her do this!

The Emilita (a rare post from the husband)

In our lives, we all have days we look forward to...weddings, birthdays, parties, the occasional "No-Pants" Sunday. On the flip side, there are days we do NOT look forward to...vaccinations for the kids, dentist appointments, that one appointment when you are over 40 (guys only). However, there are only a handful of days that fall into both of these categories...This fall will be one of them. In August, it will be the first day of school. For Lena, Alison, Edwin, Olivia, and Tobey this will be business as usual. But for Miss Emilita, it will be her first day. She is very excited. However, this days puts us into a quandary. On one hand, we know Emily will do phenomenally well. She is a brilliant little girl and a people pleaser to boot. She has a beautiful personality and she is full of life and love. However, this means we will have less time with this awesome little girl. She lights up every room she walks into. Her insights and observations of every day life are amazing. There is not one day we are not amazed by this girl... And so, this day is one we both look forward to, and dread. Not to mention the chasm it will create in Melody's little world. The ladies, as we call them, are the best of friends. We have decided to put Melody into a preschool at the same time so she has something of her own. *sigh* As I write this, she is watching a movie called Kung Pow. Her favorite show is a cartoon called The Regular Show. And she is growing up. I wonder...is it that she is getting bigger, or that I am getting older? Wish us Luck!

A lesson from Alison Rose

Alison my 12 year old is the most trusting of all my kids. In some ways that is a great gift, in today's society it is also a scary one. On more than 1 occasion we have had to have talks with her about how everyone in the world is not nice and only wanting to do good things, that is a sad talk to have.

Alison has this tendency to play with the kids with disabilities, find the kid alone at the playground or an elderly person in need of a hug.

Well yesterday she had a friend come over to play, her name was also Ali which made things confusing....going on. She asked if she could come over for dinner, which was fine....we were having a cookout anyway. And they ran off to play at the park. At dinner time, here came Ali and Ali with yet another kid....I was slightly annoyed,we had enough food but I had no intention of feeding the neighborhood. But, we had more than enough food so we let the little dude join us for Dinner. After everyone finished and Eddie started taking all of Ali's friends home, I had that same talk with Alison again...not everyone is nice, you could get hurt or worse with bad people, no strangers in our home...etc, etc.

Then Alison told me what had happened. He was the only black boy at the park and a group of kids were hitting him with rocks and things and calling him horrible names. Alison with no thought for herself took him out of there and invited him over to eat, she didn't even know his name. She didn't need to know his name, all she needed to know was that as a Christian she shouldn't let bad things happen and that we should love everybody and help out when we can, even when it is scary. I couldn't be prouder of her....she got it right.

When Alison Rose was born she had brain damage because of lack of oxygen, she ended up with a lower IQ than your average kid...but yet at times like that she may be smarter than most people I know. Thank you Alison for teaching me to be a better person, I am honored to be your Mommy.

Back from vacation!!!!!

So, my new blog pic is my extremely pale children at Clearwater Beach in Florida. Yes folks, my kids seen the ocean, touched sea life, played at the world's biggest McDonald's.....but the highlight for them? Disney! The original plan was we were going to go to Disney for all 5 days, but I wasn't sure how we would do with having 7 kids and 2 adults at the happiest place on earth during their busiest week. So,my bright idea was to plan something totally different every day and then try and get some educational things in their too. Well, all they could have cared about was Disney. So, we are going back next year for 5 days but, not during Spring Break and we are taking another adult.....any volunteers? We had the time of our lives and have decided we need to make vacations happen more often that once every 15 years. Our life can get very stressful with taking care of 7 kids, 2 jobs and of course the generous helping of Autism....we need a break! So, on today's blog I am going to tell you about the trip there and how we spent our first day in Florida. We left the house around 5 pm....now, we were supposed to leave at 3. But my meeting at my new house that I am managing turned into an 8 hour shift because on my first day of caring for my 2 new guys one of them got extremely ill. So, after getting him back home from seeing the worst Dr. I may have ever met I came home to a very tired Eddie who hadn't slept in 30 hours and then we left. The kids were troopers with the trip we drove for 28 hours straight only stopping to use the restroom and switch drivers. We FINALLY ended up in Orlando at 9 pm. We had very cranky kids at this point and very tired parents. On Sunday we went out to Breakfast and then headed to Disney. OK, I have to be honest here...I cried. In 2008 we lost everything, in 2011 we were looking at Cinderella's castle on a ferry heading to the park. It just didn't seem real. It was insane to me that this was our life. That we went from having nothing to being one of those families that could have been on a Disney commercial. I am still in awe of what God has done in our lives now that he is in control. The first ride we went on was It's a small World....LOVED IT!!!!! I tended to want to go on the older stuff that has been there for 40 years. I loved all the animatronic things. Some of the highlights of the day was Edwin and Alison becoming pirates from The Jack Sparrow (who was easy on the eyes), Emily and Melody doing the Cha Cha Slide with Chip and Dale and the Buzz Lightyear game. I was so excited that my 14,000 score beat Eddie's worthless 12,000 score...and then we looked at Edwin's score 315,000!!!! So, I am not sure if I should be proud or just keep him away from the clock towers.... After a full day and selling my blood to feed 9 people at Disney (kidding) we headed back glowing after having quite possibly the best day of our life. I know that I should say that it was the day I met Eddie or had my children...sorry you guys. So, the next blog will be about the Beach and the Aquarium, and a McDonald's that Eddie and I can only describe as McDonald's on crack....politically correct? Nope, but true! Also, I try and not get political on here even though I enjoy politics....but here is some advice if you like Obama, do NOT let anyone there know. This guy lectured me for 25 minutes on why I should like Palin and avoid the government. Now, that being said the guy lives on Social Security (government money), bragged about a wheelchair that he got for free from Medicaid (government money) and then told me that is going to College for free (again government money)....I will go on. I was then told how I wasn't baptised correctly (Please Sam, tell me you did it correctly...haha) and the world will end in December of this year. I was then told all about where Obama was born, and how he is an illegal President.I can only blame heat strokes for this poor old guys delusions.... So, that is all for today, I will see you soon, but I am back to the insane hours on Monday!