Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Tobey's new things

I am not sure if it is because of the new house or Tobey just hitting a developmental stage, but the boy is having some changes.

Lately, he has been humming Lady Gaga's Paparazzi to himself, like non-stop. It is cute but I am totally blaming his Dad on that one. Occasionally he will actually sing the words. I guess that it is normal for non- verbal kids to sing, but in my feeble mind I can't understand why he can't have a conversation yet. I guess it is not for me to know, I am thankful for what I get from him.

He has decided that he likes mirrors and this house being true 70's style has a lot of them. The funniest thing is he goes into the bathroom and checks himself out in the medicine cabinet. Unfortunately the Tobey in the mirror is non-verbal and the conversation does not get very far. He also enjoys dancing in the mirrors that we have in the living room, lately he has been dancing to Lady Gaga and not The Beatles.....Eddie will pay for this one!

Another new thing with Tobey is the boy is very fond of books. And he is insistent on me reading to him every night. To be honest because of his activity level I haven't read to him that much. It is very hard to read when you are being jumped on! But now, as long as the book involves Cars he is all too happy to sit down and read.

And the last is he has started watching TV, now we watch a lot of TV in this house....too much. But Tobey can not usually sit still for us watch anything with him but now he is into Phineas and Ferb ( I am like 100% that I spelled that wrong!) and he is really loving it. So, I would like to take a moment to thank Comcast for having it On Demand. You have given me 20 minutes to breathe.

OK, so I lied the last thing is he has become the official toilet flusher of the house. The dude will stand outside of the door and wait for you to get out. And just as I am typing this blog he has flushed the downstairs toilet 3 times. No one has been in there, but he must have seen a need. I am excited to see what my water bill is going to be.

So that is life with Tobey, and I love the dude....but when does school start up?

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Holstein update....

So, here it is, one of those boring days in between Christmas and New Years....The kids are getting bored already and I will probably send them outside to play in the yard. Except for the three youngest which have all got fevers and runny noses.

Our new neighbors came over yesterday, very nice couple. They came with cupcakes, night and day difference from our old neighbors who kept trying to have us impounded. Anyway, they are retired and actually complimented us on having a quiet household. I think their hearing may not be so great, maybe a blessing.

The house is coming along nicely, Eddie got some things actually hanging on the wall and the kids are giving me all sorts of ideas on how they want their rooms. We even have our first stray who hangs around and I am thinking of trying to start a new friendship with a squirrel that hangs out on our patio, or I as I refer to it....the lanai (Golden Girls).

So this Friday is New Years Eve....usually we have a junk food fest with the kids and play games, and enjoy my Nephews company. I am not big into going out because I am terrified of the drivers out there, and who else other than my family would I want to spend time with on a holiday. I am not usually in to making huge plans because my side of the family has had some unfortunate events around this time of year. First off my Mom's birthday is on New Years, so my Dad doesn't believe in having parties on those days. But one year 1995, he was talked into it.

Here is the story. Eddie had stayed the night at my Dad's (no, we were not married...whoops). Anyway I had stayed up on the 30th to help Dad's girlfriend plan a New Years Eve party because she thought the whole lack of celebrating was insane. Anyway we cooked, called people and bought...the beverages. So, since the 31st was on a Sunday, Dad's girlfriend Sandy got up to get ready for Church. I guess it was about 20 minutes later that I heard my Dad screaming (rare occurrence) and I will never forget hearing him say "I think Sandy's dead in the bathroom!". I was in shock...Eddie called 911, and I started CPR. I knew though I was only doing it to help calm my Dad down, I spent a few years working in a Nursing Home. There was no chance of her coming back. So, instead of going to Church and having a party we spent the day at a hospital with her kids, consoling them. We gave Lena Sandy's middle name, and that is why she is named Lena Elaine after my Mom and my Dad's girlfriend. She was quite the woman. Lena should be proud to have her name.

This year though I have a dear friend staying with us for New Years, along with 3 of her kids. She had something devastating happen to her on Christmas and she needs to have some fun. I may have to actually put up some balloons and streamers and have a more "normal" party. I will probably just not tell my side of the family. I do think that it is going to be pure chaos and fun having 11 kids here...I wonder if the neighbors will still think we are quiet?

So, that is all today....talk to you later.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Christmas at the Holstein's home....

Well Christmas 2010 was a success, the kids are happy, the house is nearly back to normal and I am not a fan of the Lego company anymore....I mean really how many freaking pieces do you need?

On Christmas Eve we woke up at 4 and went to Meijers to finish shopping before the crowds hit and then we came home to get our baking done. The kids opened up their Bernie gifts before Church this time and they had a hard time waiting to put on their new pajamas. After a nice service at Church we came home and decorated cupcakes for Jesus' birthday (which the kids LOVED!) and we read them The Night Before Christmas and Yes Virginia there is a Santa Claus, we looked up Santa on the Norad Santa Tracker and then laid out cookies and milk and wrote the letter and threw reindeer food out the front door. And then for some unknown reason Eddie and I were exhausted (go figure) and we meant to only take a nap, before all the Santa prep. But, we both fell sound asleep and then I woke up in a panic at 1 in the morning because nothing was done. Most of the gifts were not wrapped, stockings laid there empty and we stayed up until almost 4 finishing up. The kids then woke us up at 6!


The kids loved everything they got....and Edwin got his precious Mighty Beanz....I thought he was going to cry. Lena's favorite gift was an art set, Alison was a Paper Jamz guitar, Olivia's was her baby doll. Tobey's was a steering wheel that launches cars, Emily's was a Belle doll that won't shut up (ever) and Melody's was a baby doll. We then all ate our breakfast casserole and I started our Christmas dinner.

All in all we had a great day that was really laid back and just so happy to be in our new home. I made Eddie watch Sing Off on Demand with me and he acted like he didn't like it, but he really did. The group I wanted to win came in second but hey that's life.

I thought I would share our Breakfast Casserole recipe since I had some questions about it on Facebook. I apologize ahead of time because I am not one to really cook with measurements, so here we go. And also this is the most unhealthiest thing on Earth, which is why I only make it once a year.

Christmas Morning Breakfast
20 pieces of bread buttered on both sides and then cubed up
1 pound of bulk sausage
10 eggs
4 cups of mild cheddar cheese
1 can of Cream of mushroom soup
salt and pepper
milk

So, the biggest pain is the buttering of the bread, messy and takes forever. I simply let Emily do this part and she did great. While Emily buttered bread I fried up the sausage ( I like Bob Evans sage one) and then added the cream of mushroom soup to the sausage and thinned it out with a little milk. I then took 10 eggs ( In know, heart attack) and broke them up and mixed them with about a cup of milk and added salt and pepper. Emily is still working on bread but starting to complain.

I then cubed up the bread (about 9 bite size pieces per piece of bread) and put half of them in a 9 x 13 buttered cake pan. Then take the sausage mixture and put it over the bread and then add the rest of the bread on top. Then you take the egg mixture and pour it over all the bread and sausage. You them throw on all the cheese and cover it and place in the fridge all night.

The next morning you put it in a 350' oven with the foil still on for 40 minutes and then take the foil off for another 20 and that is it. Extremely easy if you aren't the one buttering the bread and it tastes awesome.

So if you guys like that one I will give out my recipe for my Apple Sausage stuffing which is so good Eddie has told me it is why we are still married. Hope you are enjoying your Sunday. besides everyone having colds we are enjoying ours. Later.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Up since 3!!!!

Tobey has decided again that sleep is overrated, so here I am at 7:13 in the morning and in desperate need of a nap. But, thanks to Tobey I was able to make sure that I got the number count right for the gifts, it has to be even you know....Went to Meijer's before the crowd hit and I am getting ready to go and make some cookies with the kids and do some activity sheets with the younger ones. And then Eddie is taking over because this is going to be a long day....

Edwin is running all over the house this morning, the boy is hyped about Christmas this year. He is currently role playing how Santa is going to eat the cookies and how he should place the presents. He has also wrapped up some of his old toys to make the mock Christmas complete.

We have not been able to find the kids stockings from last year, we told the kids that they have to do it like they did it in the old days and use real socks. They looked at us with disbelief....now I can't say for sure but I have it under good authority that Santa may leave them new stockings this year....he may have found them on sale at the The Christmas Tree Shop and used a coupon, just saying.

Until the madness hits tonight we actually have a pretty easy day of just getting a few things done and getting ready for Church tonight, kinda nice. I am hoping for a stress free time today, now watch the last time I said that Melody got stitches....forget the last thing there.

I have had several people tell me that I need to write a book or something about our lives. I am not real sure if it is because of our past life story, having 7 kids or the Autism factor....but I have talked it over with Eddie and I have decided to start off by sending in an article to Parents magazine something similar about the challenges of the the boys, I am trying to think of a quirky title like Mom of the 'tism or something like that. I want it funny but honest.

And on the non-national level I want to write a letter to all those people who write in to the South Bend Tribune about parents using leashes. I am so sick of the comments about Tobey being on a leash. I have heard everything from "Oh, there must be something really wrong with that kid" to "Don't you know how to control your kid?". Just drives me nuts! And then on the rare occasion that I speak up and say "He is a non-verbal autistic with ADHD and a seizure disorder" well, then I make them feel like crap and it turns into a pity party. Do I want to use a restraint on my almost 6 year old? No, but I also don't want to have him get stolen, hit by a car, or not be right next to him if a meltdown is getting ready to start. So, I will use the leash and I may just have cards printed up to explain his entire medical history to people......

Maybe I will wait until I am not quite so passionate on that subject before I put it in the paper....they may want to restrain me!

So, I will see you later....I hope that you are having a great Christmas Eve!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

The calm before the storm....

I woke up today to a silent house, all except for the loud buzzing of the fridge which Emily left open sometime in the early morning to get an orange. Lena slept at CJ's house so there has been no screaming at the teenager this morning. It has been a good morning so far.

Tomorrow though is Christmas Eve.....oh, the magic of that day. I LOVE Christmas Eve. There is a sparkle in every child's eye, even the teenager (we actually refer to Lena in that way now) as they are waiting for Santa to come. I don't have a ton of great memories of my Mom but, she always managed to make Christmas awesome. She would put powdered sugar and glitter on my Dad's boot and make tracks all over the living room, we always put out reindeer food and carrots and cookies. Somehow she dragged my Dad out of bed to open gifts with us.

So, this Christmas Eve we are going to do the last minute shopping, and go to Church for services, come home and bake Santa's cookies, let the kids open their Bernie gifts, read the story and then send them off to bed while Eddie and I watch It's a Wonderful Life and wait for Darlene Love on Letterman. Now will this go as ideally as I hope? Not a chance in he__, we will probably have a lot of screaming from me, and telling the kids to stay in their freaking rooms, I will probably get to the point of tears from just being tired of Tobey jumping on the bed....but they won't remember that part, I didn't really when I was that age. What they will remember is Santa ate all of the cookies and somehow he got in our house with no fireplace.

So, here is some of our Christmas traditions....Bernie the head elf brings pajamas on Christmas Eve every year while we are at Church. The kids love getting pajamas and I love how cute they look the next morning in them.

I always make the same breakfast casserole with cheese and sausage and bread and eggs that sits in the fridge all night and then it bakes while the kids open their gifts.

We stay in our pajamas the whole day, my in-laws may swing by this year and they will have to put up with us being in them while they visit with us.

So, that is all from the Holstein's. I didn't get cards out this year so here are my holiday wishes for you....

I hope that you never lose the magic that is Christmas. I hope that the child in you looks in the sky for Santa tomorrow night, just in hopes of seeing that sleigh.

I hope that you Thank God fro the gift that he gave us in his son Jesus, and that the story of his birth and life stirs something in you and that you never lose it.

I hope that you appreciate everything you have in your life and remember that not everyone is so fortunate.

I hope that 2011 is the best year ever for you. I have seen a lot of pain and sorrow in 2010 for a lot of my friends. I hope that 2011 is going to be the greatest adventure and that the ride is just crazy fun!

So that is the Holstein's card this year....Happy Holidays from the Holstein's!!!
Love, Eddie, Melissa, Lena, Alison, Edwin, Olivia, Tobey, Emily and Melody

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

And then there is Tobey.....

This year for New Years Eve my nephew Trace is coming over to spend the night so his parents can go out. Trace is 2 months older than Tobey and he is just a really neat kid and I love having him here. But I always break down when he leaves because I see a blaring example of where Tobey should be. To be honest it is really tough....when I found out I was pregnant with Tobey we talked about raising them together especially with them both being boys and then we both picked names that started with T's, in our minds they were going to be best friends and hang out all the time. But it was obvious from the beginning that Tobey was different. Besides being small he had no eye contact with me, just this blank stare. Trace was talking. Tobey would stare into space. Trace played with toys, Tobey watched fans spin. Every time I was around Trace I could not deny that there was something wrong with Tobey....it became easier to just not spend time with Trace, and accept denial about Tobey. But then, reality crept in and I had to face facts, Tobey is different and that's that.

I am not sure if it was my alienation with Trace's mom or if they just didn't know what to say but our relationship has never been the same. To be perfectly honest I don't think any of our family relationships have been the same since Tobey, some have gotten better and some have backed off. They try to act like he is like the other kids, but there eyes drop and their tone changes. They don't talk to him, just about him and that is the worst part. I think that is why I talk about him so much on here, people need to know he exists....he can't tell everyone that he spelled his name at school with a machine, but they need to know how amazing this guy is....so there you have it.

On to a cheerier subject, we attempted to make a gingerbread house and train with the kids yesterday, notice I said attempted. After working on my house for a half hour I told Eddie that it looked like it had been hit by Hurricane Katrina and I simply left the table to watch the Young and the Restless. Eddie made the train by the time he was done with it the candy was gone, and we gave up for the day. I did make a cake with Emily yesterday and that turned out really good, so I tried to make a memory for at least 1 kid, the other 6? Well, I am getting there.

Today the cable guy is coming, again...The last guy was just odd. Hopefully this one is more normal and knows how to get the DVR going. I can't wait to try that out! We have never had a DVR before! We are coming up in the world now. Little does Eddie know, I will DVR every episode of Golden Girls and reality TV that I can!!!

So, I have no regrets about the tattoo but I think somehow I messed it up. There are like sections coming off on one side. I did everything they told me...so I guess I will be going in for the free touch up. I honestly think the itching is worse than getting the tattoo...driving me freaking nuts!

So, I am off to get the kids ready for the day! Later!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Vegetables....

My kids LOVE vegetables...I don't know what made this miracle happen....but they actually have fought over who gets the most Brussel sprouts. I know...weird. Anyway, the whole crew loves them except for Edwin. So the other day he asked me for a salad, after pinching myself and realizing that this wasn't a dream, I made the boy a salad. He then wanted seconds....what in the world is going on here? Does he have some sort of brain injury? He then after putting his plate in the sink (what?) went into his bedroom and looked at himself in the mirror, shirt off and flexing his muscles. He then told himself to get stronger. And then it hit us....he was reenacting The Regular Show. It is on Cartoon Network and to be honest I frankly think the show is stupid, but it got him to eat a salad when there is no one in the Memorial Health network ever could. So, thank you from the bottom of my heart Mordecai and Rigby....I owe you one! And to the countless nutritionists that have worked with Edwin....watch more TV!

Today we are getting my piano over to this house....Eddie is so happy with me that I insist on dragging a piano with me everywhere when I can only play 1 song. Can I help it that the one item in the world that helps me remember my Grandma weighs 900 pounds? Sorry big guy...I am keeping the piano so get over it!

Well, sorry it is so short today I need to get the house clean for the in-laws....have a good one!

Monday, December 20, 2010

What a week!

I am exhausted but happy....this has been the most insane week EVER!!!But now? I have a little bit more unpacking and, a little more shopping and then a week of Christmas festivities for just us!

So first and foremost we are loving our new house....I couldn't ask for anymore.Last night after our third holiday party in 2 days we sat around our tree and watched TV with the kids, and we felt at home. We are safe and warm and blissfully happy, and we were also jacked up on Chocolate...perfect life.

I got my tattoo on Friday...I got the "Imagine" part done. The portrait is too time intensive and expensive for a week before Christmas. The pain was not bad, and I have not died from infection so life is good!

I went to the Civic theatre with CJ and friends to see Miracle on 34th Street, this has become a tradition that I love and gives me some time with Lena.

The boys are adjusting to the new house pretty good. Edwin is sleeping in his bedroom and he loves it in there. And Tobey I think finally realized yesterday that he is home. They get to stay at their school which is such a huge relief to me...the kids are so happy at Darden and that is one less change on them.

Today on the agenda I am finally going to the grocery store and I am making gingerbread houses and trains with the kids...God help me because I really suck at these things and my patience for them quickly flys out the window. Eddie is going to work at the old house and come home in time for dinner and go to work....so that is the plan today. If I come on here ranting and raving tomorrow you will know that the gingerbread experience was an epic fail....See you Tuesday!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

HELP ( I know another Beatles reference)

So here is the update....Nipsco will be on today, and water and AEP are already done, and phone on Thursday....is this really happening? The plan is we will be at the house tomorrow night, so Eddie will virtually have no sleep for 326 hours again, he has done it before....I told him that we will be able to sleep again some time after Christmas.

Edwin did his own packing yesterday....he put 6 matchbox cars and a Incredible Hulk action figure in a shoebox and told me that he has all he needs. I asked him about clothes, he told me he is wearing clothes....I was then speechless. (Rare occurrence folks!).

Today...December 14th, is kind of a holiday in the Holstein home....15 years ago today Eddie proposed to me...and it is also my Grandma Sims' birthday. I know I promised to write more about her, but it is super hard for me to talk about her still. I still just miss her so much and she has been gone 10 years. So on this date every year we have the Holstein's annual A Christmas Story night....but we will have to move it to Saturday, I already packed the pans and we are living off of sandwich stuff and frozen pre-made dinners. I am so looking forward to the kids covered in mashed potatoes....I wish I could figure out how to keep the cabbage red...any ideas?

So, here is a glimpse of what the rest of the week looks like....

Wednesday-get the keys! And move all kitchen stuff, living room stuff and beds over. The little girls re staying at CJ"s so this is totally doable.

Thursday- Wait for the phone guy and unpack everything while Eddie keeps hauling stuff over...and also pray that Tobey is liking the house.

Friday-Finish the extended family Christmas shopping, wrap gifts, grocery shopping , laundromat, get my first tattoo (my Christmas present), going out with friends to the Civic Theatre to see Miracle on 34th street.

Saturday- Get more stuffed unpacked and put up Tobey alarms (windows and doors) and take the kids to in-laws for their Christmas party. Come home to kids that are hopefully near a comatose state and have Terri help me with kids and getting ready for our Christmas Party on Sunday....I also need to do some baking!

Sunday- Make Italian Beef, set up for party, help out in Kids Kanyon, go with family to 11:30 service. Have my sides party @ 2, and then fall down dead from the week!

Monday-finish the move!!!!!! So, if I don't blog for a while you see why! Insane, people...I am insane!

So, here is our theory...If we have this insane week this week, and finish everything we need to do....We will have an easy Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, looks good in print, probably won't happen!

Well, I am off to get stuff done, see you soon!

Monday, December 13, 2010

What Olivia wants for Christmas....wait for the 15 second mark.

2 more days.....

Only 2 more days until we are official residents of 1701 Rerick Drive! So today we are going to finish all the packing and try to get Nipsco to turn on the utilities (we paid the deposit at an unauthorized dealer, big mistake). The new house is what they call a tri-level and it is a color of green that can only be described as a green banana hue. We have 4 bedrooms and a huge fenced in back yard and a 2 car garage. The house also has all working appliances and a new efficiency furnace, I am in heaven! The house is also on a corner lot and there is a park on both sides of the road...how perfect is that? And, to top it off we are only 5 minutes away from a theatre that has movies for Autistic families, and all the glories of Grape Road....while living in a quiet area with no Notre Dame traffic! Seriously, God had this one picked out for us!!!!!!! I could not have found a better one myself.

Ok, so on to other things than the magnificence of our green "mansion".....The Precious Stones Christmas Party was awesome! We had a decent turnout, great cookies, and 3 new families show up! The Santa we had was great, and the helpers....oh, the helpers, they were the nicest kids you could ever ask for. The highlight of the night for me was Greg, he was 26 and has not got to see Santa for years....he was so excited that Santa was coming. While waiting for Santa's big arrival I asked him where do you think he is? He replied "the sky!". Do you want to know what he wants for Christmas? Pots, he wants pots so he can cook with his Mom....he just learned how to make eggs. By the way, he was so excited about Santa he could not even get the words out! All he could say was "Ho, Ho". He also made an ornament, his Mom told me that she is now going to have to put the tree up. Heck yes you will, where is Santa supposed to put the pans? Great night, made all the work worth it!

So, I know with all this cheerful news, you probably are asking....Could there be anymore good things happening to the Holstein's? Why yes, there is! Break out the Kleenex, I'll wait..................................Tobey Jude said those three magical words that every mother dreams about hearing her child say to her from the moment they are born. Tobey told me " I of you". He loves his Mama, I was in tears.....I am getting choked up now just seeing it in type. I mean, I know he loves me. But to hear it? Wow!!!!! I never thought I would hear it, I dreamed it....but this my friend was no dream. Just a dream come true. I love you Tobey Jude, thank you for the best early Christmas you could have ever gave me. Geez, I got mushy there....I digress.

So, before this starts sounding like a Hallmark movie...I will stop.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

The Holstein's week in review.....

Ok, Ok....I am sorry that I have deserted you for so long my dear readers. But, I have a valid reason (excuse...)! We have been insanely busy!!!

So here was our week!

Monday-We go to look at a house, only to be disappointed that it is WAY too small for a family of 9... we come home disappointed to the point of tears, and on the phone there is a message to go and see another house. After doing a drive-by we know that this is the house for us! We tell the landlord that we want it and we will move in around the first of the year.

Tuesday I talked to my friend Sarah and explained that we have found the house, it is going to work for us, but we need to wait a few weeks until we can move in because of finances. On Tuesday night I prayed to God to get us out of this house because of all of it's issues....heat, lead, no stove, leaks....you name it.

On Wednesday I got a message from Sarah asking me how much we needed and after giving her the amount....which was a lot....she told me that she was going to do everything she could to get us out of here ASAP.

On Thursday our Church gave us a check to cover all of our moving expenses and we will be in our home on Wednesday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can you believe it? I serve an amazing God and I go to an amazing Church. I am still in shock that our family has people that love us so much, we are not worthy.....

On Friday we had a great Precious Stones party and signed all the paperwork for our new home.

Saturday, we took the kids to the live Nativity at Church and didn't even get the kids out of the car. We then drove them around to see lights, but I think they mainly watched TV....yes I got one on Black Friday....I know, I know...I said that I didn't want one. I am going to put it on record that those TVs are the best invention since, well...TV!

And now, here it is Sunday night. I am still in shock how things turned out. I probably shouldn't be, because that is how our God works. We are FINALLY getting out of this home, and words cannot express how grateful I am. I feel like George Bailey at the end of the best movie of all time, I am part of the most awesome family in the world...I am honored that I have such amazing people in my life.

I will blog more tomorrow, I am tired from Kids Kanyon and the 7 I have....see you later!

Sunday, December 5, 2010

LIfe at the Holstein's.....

So, the last time I blogged I was feeling sorry for myself....blah, blah blah. Well let me tell you a few things that can help boost your spirits.

My friend CJ bought us a Christmas Tree that contains NO LEAD....and we let the kids decorate the whole thing themselves. Well my kids decided to start quoting Charlie Brown and then turned on the Linus and Lucy song and did the crazy dancing (Peanuts style) and then Eddie getting bored started doing the Robot (yes, the hubby Eddie). It then progressed into something that you would see in a club. The kids were jumping around like crazy and Eddie was acting like the worst behaved kid of them all. Me? I was sitting on the couch crying from laughing so hard.

Today the boys went to respite for 5 hours and leave it to Eddie to say something inappropriate to the nun again...I think that she probably douses the boys in holy water when we leave to save their souls from their father's influence. So, we got a break from the boys and enjoyed a quiet house....Nice. I hope in the future that we can afford more respite care....we'll see.

So, then we went to Church...Now I am not saying that I am yippy skippy and the world is all rainbows and unicorns, but is is impossible to leave our Church in a bad mood. I have experienced more love in that magical place then I thought existed. I felt hopeless on Friday and now I am ready to stop with the tears and the fear and WE ARE GOING TO FIND A HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I am so lucky to have so many people love me and my family. I am so lucky to know CJ, and Kris and Diane and Jennae and Sarah and Ann and Kelly and Sam.

Tomorrow we are going to try for a house in Mishawaka....it is smaller and less rent (holla....I don't know how the heck to spell that!). So, I am not getting my hopes up to high.....but this place could be good for us!

Well, I am off to watch a movie with the Eddie and wrap some gifts.....see you Monday!

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Life right now.....


I know that it is the Christmas season and that I should be happy about that. But I seem to just be going through the motions.....And that is not me, I LOVE being with the kids and looking at lights and putting up the tree, but this year I am simply not feeling it.

I thought that we would be spending this weekend settling into a new home and instead we are looking for another house, I am simply getting sick of the whole process. I would give up my arm if someone would just walk up to me and say "Here is what you owe, now move in!" But that is not how things work.

I am usually this happy go lucky person, but last night the whole situation got to me....I am tired, I am stressed, and to be frankly honest on here.....this whole thing has become depressing. I put on a happy face to the kids, I try and joke about it, I am trying to look at the bright side.....it is getting harder by the day.

I have all sorts of people telling me that God just has the perfect house waiting for us and I need to put all my faith in him. It is so much easier said than done, and I am struggling with it. I am strong in my faith and I go to Church nearly every Sunday and I pray....but is that enough? Is the perfect home going to show up just because I am putting all my faith in him?

I am at a loss right now....(if you couldn't tell) and today I am having one of those days that I just don't feel like fighting the fight....I need to get over it!

I went to A Rosie Place today and I saw kids that may not see another Christmas....and I am selfishly thinking of myself. I see the boys seeing Santa and Edwin explaining his list and I am too involved in the world of me to laugh as he is asking Santa what his name is.

I remember so clearly my saddest Christmas, the year my Mom died.....the magic of the holidays was lost forever. I don't want that for my kids this year...I don't want this to be the Christmas that they compare the rest of them too, forever. I want them to always look back at their childhood Christmas's as those magical times where even though they know the truth...they still look in the sky on Christmas Eve in hopes that Santa is up there with Rudolph.

So, that is life right now....I hope I didn't depress anyone, that is never my intention. But I have had people ask why I haven't blogged and I wanted to be honest.