Thursday, September 30, 2010
" Emily, can live here"
This little girl has brought him drinks, found his shoes, prayed for him, made him snacks, and plays every silly game that he comes up with, even if they make absolutely no sense. All, this work so that she can have Edwin love her. Emily has reminded me that persistence can pay off, and so can love.
Tomorrow, we have yet another meeting with Edwin's teacher. We are signing all the paperwork for him to go to half days. I am honestly not sure that I want this, but it is not about me. It is about what works for Edwin. We are also getting more clothes shopping done for the kids, including Halloween costumes. And hopefully a lunch date with the hubby. Then we get to pack up for the Pumpkin farm, and watch a movie with the kids....big day!
Tobey slept a full night last night, thank God, literally I thanked God...I was getting tired. When Tobey has those 3 hour nights....well, it's not like I can catch up when he is at school, I still have Emily and Melody. So, today I am enjoying being fully awake.
Speaking of Emily and Melody, it is only 9:09, and they are on their second viewing of Tinkerbell today! I really don't know how people do it without TVs, you have my respect. How do the Duggars keep their sanity? I keep mine by treating myself to The Office, and watch soaps where the characters lives are even more complicated than mine.
So, that is all in Holstein world today....I am off to figure out how to make a Chinese dinner for tonight....have a good one!
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
How we got Tobey Jude....
I thought long and hard about whether or not I wanted to put this in writing, even though it was years ago, it is still hard and painful to talk about. But Tobey only slept about 3 hours last night, and it left me with time to think about the journey that I have been on with that precious boy....so now I want to share that.
In 2003 I was attending Ancilla to start a degree in nursing and found out about 3 weeks after school started that I was pregnant, we had 3 girls and 1 boy...I was in hopes of a brother for Edwin. Of course I was focused on the baby being healthy ( Alison was very sick at birth, that is another blog), and we were pretty excited. So we went to the Dr., got the ultrasound and everything looked good. But then the next appointment, things did not look as good....and after several tests we were told that the baby was alive, but the chances were very slim that we would make it to term. We went home and discussed what to do...I had already had 2 miscarriages, so we just thought that nature would take care of it. Unfortunately, things dragged on...week after week we carried that pregnancy. Every ultrasound was the same...the baby is not developing but there is still a heartbeat. It got awkward explaining that yes we were pregnant, but no...there won't be a baby. Our marriage suffered, it got to a point where it was hard for Eddie to even look at me...it was devastating to our whole family. I didn't want to put up decorations, I quit school...I just shut down. Finally, we were told that the baby had passed away, and we were told that if she weighed a certain weight that we would have to plan services. She was 2 oz. under....so they simply put her in a container and left it on a table in my room. I cried for days, some of it was a relief that the nightmare was done.
We were told when we could try again, and it happened the first month we tried. I knew that I wanted another baby...and we were so blessed to have it happen so quickly. But, then the problems started...we found out that we were pregnant in the ER, because I simply couldn't walk. I had several broken discs in my back. And then the Diabetes, first time I ever got that. And then my blood pressure, because of pain was through the roof. I spent the entire pregnancy laying down...not even physically able to stand or even sit. Finally after months of physical therapy, we were finally able to induce! So, in we went to have our Tobey....well, the little guy makes nothing easy. So we had to do a c-section because of him being to active and turning all the time. So, finally the 7 lb, 13 oz beautiful boy was in my arms.
But then, I started getting fever and pain...and then I started having illusions...I called the OB, constantly being told that this was normal....Finally I got a different OB, and found out that I had a staph infection, that was so severe it went to the brain ( hence, the illusions). So after several surgeries, blood transfusions and every antibiotic I could be on....I finally got to go home to see that precious boy, with a hole in me that you could put a football in. I had to go through these Dakin's treatments that are bleach and saline that is packed into the wound. Eddie would put Tobey in his bassinet so I could watch him and not think about the pain. It worked like a charm, he was the only thing that could make me smile.
I told Eddie countless times, that after everything I went through he had better be the perfect child. You know, no nights of staying up crying, or problems in the teenage years. That was the hardest part I think about finding out that he was Autistic, in my mind I went through too much to have him, and then it just seemed cruel to see him suffer with Autism...I felt that it just wasn't fair.
But, I would do it all again for him....he is the most amazing little boy that has brought me sleepless nights, and he is not perfect. But to me? He is just a miracle that can make me laugh when I am sad. Can make me be patient when I am at my wits end, and has brought our family closer together, so I guess I did get my perfect boy, he is perfect for us....
So, that is the story of how we got the the Tobey Jude....by the way I forced Eddie to make his middle name Jude on the way to the C-section...he wanted his middle name to be Grey....can you imagine Tobey Grey? That name would not make a good blog...
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
The Pumpkin Farm.....
Monday, September 27, 2010
A visit to the in-laws.....
So, when we left Church yesterday I asked for prayers to help us get through another visit with the in-laws. We don't have many of these for several reasons...for 1 Eddie and I fight after them, for 2 we are very busy....To be honest I just didn't feel like bringing in anymore drama to our lives.
But they were excited about the new place they just rented and I set some ground rules before we left, and we left the safety of South Bend, to venture into the depths of---------,I will leave that blank.
Well. when we arrived to their home, the house which was adorable was filled with the smell of Shake and bake chicken, scalloped potatoes, mac and cheese, and corn. They were inviting, and dare I say helpful? We actually enjoyed a"normal" family visit with them, and even laughed!!! It looked like something straight out of one of those Norman Rockwell paintings. We actually had a good time! The kids played with their dog, Tobey found plenty of things to get into, including their washing machine, no joke! And we may, go back sometime.......I am in hopes of trying to have a normal, family relationship with them, but I have to forgive them for some things in the past, and keep a very close eye on them in the present.
The thing that I came to realize is that even though I am hurt by their past actions, and do not approve of some things in their lifestyle, I can not just cut them out of the kids' lives, no matter how tempted I may be.....as long as the kids are in no danger, I need to occasionally let them see their grandparents and just be vigilant about how they are treated and what they are around....
I do have to say this, I have not been perfect in the relationship either, I think that I judged them from the beginning because of lifestyle choices, and I never really tried to know them as people. I am no good about sending them pictures, or even cards....I myself have never tried to make the effort, instead I just tried to get though the problem, not try and solve it, or even work on it.
So, with all that being said, I am glad that we went, and I am not dreading the holidays as much....it's a good thing.
Tomorrow night we start the study with Notre Dame about how we communicate as a family, Ed, Lena and I had to each fill out an hour long survey, which seemed like an eternity. Lena, I have decided after filling out this survey is actually a really good kid! It was eyeopening to see some of the things they had listed on there....if I had to deal with those things with my teens, I would lose my mind....So, thank you Lena for being thew amazing kid you are, We Love YOU!
So, that is all in Holsteinville today....we are off to work on decluttering again....will I ever be done with this?
Friday, September 24, 2010
A good day.....
We went to Target, and actually didn't have to rush around like mad people. and even got to chat with a few friends there. We left to try and find a place that sold healthy snacks for Edwin and found a great place in Bremen. I went to Church and actually got some things accomplished for the support group, 2 parties are in the works....Again not rushing, just enjoying the time. I believe that this is the first time that I didn't have to go in my Pastors' office crying over something...I think he was in shock that I wasn't in there bugging him, he has never made me feel like I am bothering him, but I feel bad because I know how busy he is....
We took the whole crew to Wal-Mart and looked at Halloween costumes and bought the new Tinkerbell movie and way too much junk food. Came home, made pizza, straightened up and watched a movie...all together like a "normal" family. Olivia set the whole thing up by herself, including blankets and her "snack shack". It was a fun evening.
It was really nice just having a day to decompress, nothing catastrophic. I would love to have more, but I am realistic.
We had a first last night...a decision has been made that Edwin is going to go to school for half days. So we told the kids about how the new schedule is going to go...Lena kinda lost it, she was upset because the boys "get" everything. I didn't react very well to that, I have NEVER had to deal with sibling rivalry really. I was just dumbfounded and said some things I now regret, so I have already told her that we are going on a walk or something to talk about it. I know that some of it is being a teenager, but I also know that since Eddie and I are the parents of 7, and 2 of them take more care than the average child....we probably fail in that area of giving time to the older girls. It's hard, I can't even count how many times they have had to miss something because of something to do with the boys....I mean even us moving and them leaving their schools is because of the boys. It has to be hard on them, I forget that sometimes...I'm human.
Tomorrow is clean out the house day...I can hardly wait to get more things thrown out...it is liberating to be honest...I don't need you TV Guide from 2009, I don't need all 5 copies of the lunch schedule....they all get reduced, they are eating whatever you serve! We have these antique dishes that have lead in them...will I ever use them again? NO!!! Do I still have them sitting in a box in the attic? YES!!! Why? I have no idea.....
I hope you have a good weekend!!!!
Thursday, September 23, 2010
September 28th....
But Eddie is a little different, as his loving wife I can say that about him...words that have been used concerning Eddie have been...
- Well, he's just Eddie
- He is an acquired taste
- How do you handle him?
- He sure is fun....
- he needs a timeout
My favorite story about him was upon hearing about Robin William's divorce, I remarked that I could not see how you could be married to someone like Robin Williams. I was then told that I am married to Robin Williams.
Eddie is rarely serious...Even when we had the house fire and I thought I caused it...I asked Eddie if he was mad at me, he simply replied "Honey, why would I be mad? It is only our home and everything we own?". This was about 10 minutes after the fire trucks pulled out. About an hour after the fire I got in the truck only to have Eddie playing Disco Inferno, the second I jumped in..
Now, his sense of humor is probably one of my favorite things in the world about him. He is also extremely smart, and has an odd talent for Math. But I believe he has gone a little too far this time....
Eddie has known since I have met him about my fear of not living as long as my Mother, now this is totally normal....I do not need therapy. So, Eddie with his humor and Math, simply looked at me the other day and said "September 28th", "If you live the exact amount of days as your Mother, you will die on September 28th.". Wow, thank you dear....I now know that I am going to die next week, on the same day as I am supposed to pick up Market Day and Parenthood is on. The guy is twisted if I do say so myself, but he keeps me laughing, at least until Tuesday.....
The boys....
Tobey decided yet again last night that sleep is overrated, I am exhausted. I don't know why he hates sleep so much....I love it and miss it daily. I am a patient person, especially with Tobey....but the little dude needs to sleep already! Here's hoping for tonight!
You would think that with 2 sons with Autism, that I would know more about Autism....surprisingly I find out new things everyday. It is such a mysterious thing still, even to me. I have yet to figure out why Edwin and Tobey do half the things they do. Like why does Tobey love playing in water, yet can't stand having his face wet. And why does Edwin, who is probably the loudest member of the house...insist on everyone else being quiet? And the biggest mystery for me is...is that their personality or is it Autism? It is so hard to distinguish between the two anymore...
I am now checking into sign language for Tobey and Social stories for Edwin. Since everyone knows what sign language is...I will explain what social stories are. Social stories are short books made for Autistics to train them on how to become more normal and fit in society better. Because they are written in third person, the Autistic mind has a better chance on remembering it and hopefully learning something.
I think they are great, and will probably be a huge benefit to Edwin...But being a parent who just wants her children to be themselves and to embrace their own uniqueness...it is hard to force your child to try and become average. Edwin has an amazing mind, that is beyond me...yet, he wouldn't think twice about running outside in a pink shirt....how do you lose one without the other? Ahhhh Autism....you confuse me.
Well, that is all of my random thoughts for the day from a tired mother of 7, have a good first day of Fall!
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Wacky Wednesday....
Well, here is the update on the house. It looks like we passed the application just fine, including the credit check (shock) but the owner of the house has yet to do any work on it, or even return the calls to the management company. In other words....I am not sure, even with our best efforts that we are getting the house. I would think that the owner would want to start making an income, and not have it empty...but, well there is no more that I can do on my end but wait.
The management company is wanting us to check out another house on the same road for the same rent. I do know that it is 5 bedrooms, and the owner built it for his family and has about the same amount of kids. The pros to this one is that it has a definite move- in date and a newer house (no lead at all). She is really pushing for this place and says that the house is very quirky and would fit us....(I did not realize that we were quirky, but I go on...). It will officially be available on November 1st....so maybe this one will work out.
I want the original house with the hot tub, but most importantly I need to get the kids in a safe house, so if this is how it goes....I will be alright.
I had a lunch date yesterday with 3 ladies from Church, and had a great time. I loved how we could just talk without that feeling of trying to one up each other....I have had several lunch dates with friends all from Church this year, and enjoyed everyone of them. I kinda like having a social life for the first time ever. When I came home I attempted the decluttering again, this is harder than I thought....I am not to the level of ending up on Hoarders but, I can see how it starts. I do think that I have managed to throw out enough stuff to make the garbage guys cuss tomorrow. That will be my goal for the remainder of the month...
Yesterday as I was channel surfing I saw my first Halloween commercial for the year. I am super excited that it is my favorite time of year. I love the time we are at now until New Years....great times! I love the fall for it's great food and all the pumpkins and, then the fun of Halloween and getting costumes and the feeling of anticipation on Halloween when you are out trick or treating with your kids. You know that feeling I am talking about of turning the corner and you don't know what you will see, a Zombie or Barack Obama....And then the weather gets cold and the feeling you get around Thanksgiving, I love that day....it is just us and there is no worries about the boys acting up and we all watch the parade while I complain about all the cooking (I secretly LOVE the cooking). And then there is Christmas....but now I am getting to ahead of myself. We did decide though that we are going to get a real tree this year, the old one tested high for lead ( fact...a lot of the trees and lights sold for Christmas, still have lead in them) so we are going to go and get our own tree and tie it on the Suburban....not the van, we would never get it up there!
Well, that is all for today, I hope that you are enjoying the rainy weather....I am just glad that it gives us an excuse not to mow!
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Come on phone....
Lena is doing really well in school, and looking forward to starting the research project with Notre Dame. I think that we are getting along better now....hard to tell because of those teenage mood swings. Eddie is under the impression that I need to be her friend, which I can see....but I have a hard time with that sometimes.
Alison has been blossoming lately...I found one of her notebooks the other day fully expecting to see one of her long song lists...and what I found is like this comic book with extremely intricately written characters, with really in depth story lines. It was about a high school for ghosts, and the cliques that they have. All of the characters not only had their own personality but also their own style of clothes, and quirks...It was REALLY impressive. It is an amazing feeling finding out more about your kids and how awesome they are.
I had a talk with Edwin's teacher yesterday, and I guess that he impressed the classroom with his knowledge of money, he was the only one in the class that understands the concept. The teacher just loves having him when he is not trying to kill her. She said that she is honored to have him in her class and happy that her kids are exposed to him. I think that she is talking about the same dude who loves to tell me to get rid of Tobey.....
Olivia is still enjoying being the only one with pierced ears, she is driving me nuts with questions though. They come out on October 12th, no that is not an infection, yes I will get you Tinkerbell earrings.....I have been doing better about spending more time with her though, yesterday she informed me that she needed some space!
Tobey, besides screaming "Soda" at the top of his lungs, has not given me much language lately. He is enjoying school, especially on Wednesday when he gets to go swimming in a therapy pool. With all the cool stuff they do, and no homework ever....I kinda feel jealous that I didn't get to go to Lifeskills...I digress.
Emily is a handful as usual....she unlike Tobey is more verbal everyday... Yesterday she informed me that I am not allowed to ground her from computer like I do Edwin, now...she is never on computer. So, I think she is already worried about future punishments, which means that she plans on ALWAYS being trouble.
Melody is getting weirder all the time, and I can't blame a head injury. She is just about the oddest little person I have ever met. Her "cuss" word of choice right now is "nuggets!". I heard her say that about 50 times yesterday. If she dropped her doll "nuggets" if she got a weird look from Tobey "nuggets". I hope that is why she is saying that, or maybe she has a craving for chicken nuggets...
Today, I am going on a lunch date with some friends from Church, so I am looking forward to that...And then back home to keep throwing stuff out in preparation for the move, hopefully. I don't know why I hold onto things sometimes. One problem, analyzing myself...I love words! In my living room I have words everywhere... signs, on candles, little wood things on the fireplace. Now here comes the problem...it's not the decorations that cause the problem...it is keeping every magazine ever written, kids schoolwork, newsletters, recipes I will probably never make (beef wellington? I am not Gordon Ramsey), letters from friends, cards from family...it is overwhelming! So, I am making every attempt to get rid of it, very hard....
So, I have to get going...I hope that you have a good day!!!
Monday, September 20, 2010
We got her back....
I know that people may think I am a little too attached to a vehicle, I mean it is not like she has a soul or anything. But in order to get her, we had to ride a bus for 3 months or walk. We saved and saved for her and paid cash and drove her off the lot.
When we had the fire it literally became our lifeline, one of the few things that we still have. In her... we found a home, drove to work, gone to pumpkin farms, school plays, gave our cat Diamond her last ride, therapy trips, blasted her stereo, gone to Drive-ins, seen family at the Holiday's, drove to funerals, Church, got ice cream, a 1000 trips to the grocery store, cried when we had to put gas in, and most importantly....it helped us become a family again after a lot of heartbreak in 2008.
After the fire I take nothing for granted, not even a vehicle....I am so thankful for every one's help with getting the green monster home and the offers for a hideout to keep her away from that lady down the road.
The tow yard put on the slip that there was nothing of value,and that she needed cleaned out. I have to admit that she needs cleaned out REALLY bad....but there is something of value in that old Suburban of ours, the tow yard just didn't see it. She is part of our life and part of our story, and I am glad to have her home (well the secret location).
Another Week....
I am hoping that I get the Suburban back today, after we get her out of the impound she will be parked in a secret location away from the neighbor. On the bright side, we haven't had any cops in front of the house since Friday, so we are gaining here....
Tomorrow we find out about the house. If we get the house, I will be a happy woman and all the heck that we have been through this last week will be worth it. There is quite a story behind the house that if we get it I will share, and even though I know that I am horrible about taking pictures...I will make every attempt to get some on here!
Besides the truck, we had a pretty uneventful weekend. I love going to the later services at Church. It is awesome to have just one morning without the rat race of trying to rush 7 kids out of the house. I am much more relaxed when I get there! I was a little worried about Edwin though, he had migraines yesterday....but I never even got called back! So, he did fine. And there was only one injury...Tobey got bopped in the nose and had a bloody nose...but he survived just fine. I have decided that on the rare days that we have no injuries in the house, I should probably get on my knees and thank God for them! Maybe I will have more of them, if I am more thankful...It's worth a try!!!!
Well, it's a short one today because we have to run all over South Bend! So, if we are successful in getting the Green Monster back home, you will be the first to know!
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Thinking Deeply
The things they don't tell you could easily fill an encyclopedia Britannica set. What I am about to share is a series of actual quotes my wife and I have found ourselves saying through the years. Understand that in some circumstances, these words were never intended to be used together.
- Alison, stop licking the car;
- Alison, DON"T lick the car; (Yes the order was intentional...Alison licking a car had never crossed our minds as being in the realm of possibility)
- "Ed, Olivia pooped out a pumpkin seed" "Melissa, we haven't bought pumpkins yet"
- Oh my God, that's not a truffle!
- I can't print off my computer, there is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich stuffed inside
- "We're out of diapers? But, we bought the box!!!!
- It's a comcast triple play, Melissa (code for, three of them pooped in their diapers)
- We say the word poop a lot more than we ever thought we would
- Edwin, no shooting people at church
- Lena, that extremely large and angry looking man DID say your welcome, don't push him
- Oh look, honey, my parents bought ANOTHER popcorn machine for the kids
- If that damn monkey whistles again...
- No Emily, I will NOT discuss the United States role in the current global economic crisis, and your mom will spank you if you make fun of Obama...again ( I can dream)
- What do you mean you can't find a brush, we own like 20
- Honey I'm pregnant! me: I love you!
- Honey I'm pregnant! me; I LOVE you!
- Honey I'm pregnant! me: OK, I love you!
- Honey I'm pregnant! me: are you sure?
- Honey I'm pregnant! me: Are you reading that right?
- Honey I'm pregnant! me: Wait, weren't you JUST pregnant?
- Honey I'm pregnant! me: and?
- I'll take seven happy meals please? " How Many?!"
- The only option we have is to buy a church van, or a bus. (we actually considered buying a small bus)
There are many more, but there is one thing I NEVER get tired of saying: Kids, I love you. You just never know how much love you are capable of until you have kids. That's when you realize, there's always room for one more.
- No, Melissa, I won't get it reversed!!!!!!!
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Beautiful Boy.....
I have sang that song to Tobey off and on since he was born, but the other day I tried signing some of it to him. I simply looked him in the eyes and signed and said "Beautiful Boy", he didn't seem to really notice or even care to be honest. But I persevered and kept singing it to him. On Thursday I walked up to Tobey Jude and I said "Who are you, are you my Tobey Jude?". He looked right at me and signed "beautiful boy". He got it, I have hope that this may be the right road for him.
When things settle down, (soon I hope) we are going to learn sign language as a family. I think that Eddie, Lena, Alison, Tobey and I will learn first, and then the rest of them as time goes on. I have NOT given up hope of Tobey ever talking, but I am facing reality that he never may, but he is my beautiful boy...that is all that matters.
We are in hopes of getting the Suburban back soon, and frustrated with this whole process. We are being told by people of authority that we should not have ever been towed, but those are frustrating words to hear when we drive by the impound and see her sitting there.
Being honest here, but I am not handling all the stress as well as I would like...part of me just wants to shut down and not face all the demands of my life. But that would do me no good.....So, if I can just have the rest of today without any problems, I will be alright. I asked my Pastor if I am doing anything wrong, I know that everybody has problems. Some things that I have seen people face, I know in my heart I couldn't handle....But he assured me that I am making the right choices, even though I feel like I am hitting that stupid brick wall.
We find out about the house on Tuesday, the kids are so excited they keep asking us what we have to do next to get the house. Today we drove by it and prayed that this is the right home for us and for God to put everything into place for us to have an easy move. I know that it won't go perfect, nothing ever does....but I do admit to having that little fantasy of being like Samantha from Bewitched and just twitching my nose and everything be in it's proper place while I drink a Coke on the deck and eat chocolate....We all have our fantasies, don't judge me!
Well, I am off to make a pot roast and cookies to bribe the children with so Eddie and I can get some alone time, it could happen....Have a great day.
Friday, September 17, 2010
The Worlds longest week....
So, this week has consisted of...being told by a Dr. that I am doing stuff wrong for the boys, when in my heart...I know that I am doing the best for them (the diet, if your curious). Edwin being sent home from school this early in the year, that has got to be a record. Being called a liar from our landlord. Dealing with housing authorities yesterday about...you guessed it lead! An hour long phone call with the school about the boys....And of course the challenge of raising 7 kids, with 2 of them Autistic. I was at my breaking point earlier in the week, and Eddie and I decided to treat ourselves to lunch....big mistake!
We pull up to our home to see a cop car, never a good sign...But what was missing was our precious Suburban! That stupid neighbor (I have other words in my head) called and had our LEGAL vehicle towed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you have never been to our home, we live in a historic district where the houses were made long before cars. Parking is an issue...there has been times where we can't even come home because of a Notre Dame game or services at the Church across from us. So, the parking is very limited ALL the time! Add to that the fact that we seem to have the largest vehicles in the area, it is hard to park. But, we were not parked at the yellow line, we were not parked on anyone elses' property. But we were close to the stop sign, the one on our property....If the cops would have seen this without the neighbors phone call, it would have been a ticket...but since the neighbor from Hell called...we got towed. So, my Suburban sits at the impound with a $185.00 initial fee and $25.00 per day storage fee.
So, I will not be sad to see this week go....I have had enough.
To try and keep our humor up, here is what we would like to do to the neighbor lady...this is not an admission of guilt, and can not be held against me in a court of law...
- Putting clear plastic forks in her yard and when she mows...shards of plastic all over her manicured property. (Eddie's idea)
- Tell her that since we can't park on our property, the van which looks like an ambulance...needs to be parked in front of her home. ( We don't want to get towed)
- Open up the van and let the mountain of fast food bags fall on her property.
- Play really loud hillbilly music and aim it to her home.
- Drive by egging? Do you think she would recognize the van?
- Hey Sam, what are we doing with all those bad neighbor tubes? I know of the perfect place to put them. "RECYCLING"
- Go in front of her house and play with the wheelchair lift over and over...the noise will drive her insane!
So again, I must repeat...if any of the preceding happens to the the neighbor lady...I did not do any of it. I simply am psychic and we will leave it at that....
Well, I have to admit I do feel better...thanks for the free therapy...have a good night my friends, I am off to plan my attack...uhmm I mean read to the kids....yea that's it!
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Changes....
Mentally, I am ready to move....the rest is still in the air. The kids are super excited and ready for a yard that they can actually play in, and not hearing sirens all night long! I am looking forward to hopefully a slower pace of life....which probably will never happen, but I can dream! And most importantly I am looking forward to not having to walk on egg-shells in my own home and thinking about lead a thousand times a day!
Not to sound like the Duggars (they have 19 kids!!) but we are trying to turn this into a learning experience for the kids. We are showing the steps to getting a place, how to get references and next how to pack (hopefully...).
The boys are home today, they have a Dr. appointment so they are enjoying not having to go to school today. Edwin has tried to shoot me about 20 times today, so I believe that will be brought up at the appointment! Edwin is also getting sick of watching pre-school programming on Nick Jr., Emily told him to go to school if he doesn't want to watch Dora! I love that kid!
Melody's head is almost healed, I think she will have more of a scar than I would like. Every time I think of that, I remind myself that she could have ended up with a permanent head injury. Then I realize that a scar is nothing really. We can do the bang look on her....
Eddie and I talked this morning, and we came to the realization that no matter how hard you work at parenting, you can never do it perfectly. I know that we have 7 kids, and that 2 of them take a lot of our time....but poor Olivia, she just wants time with us. Lena and Alison being at or near to that teenage age don't want us to spend as much time with them. The radio is much more interesting and the TV doesn't give out chores. Melody and Emily get time with us when the older kids are at school. And then obviously Edwin and Tobey take a ton of our time....So, who does that leave? Poor Olivia, and It seems like no matter how much I try to keep things equal, she gets short changed. So, today after her homework is done, I am spending an hour with her and only her. I know that 1 hour is not going to give her all the extra attention and time that she desires, but it is a start....
Well, I am off to Dr. Luzzi's ! Have a good one...
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Wednesday....
Edwin was sent home by 9:15 because of his behavior, I am not 100% about what to do about this. I had a long conversation with the Autism consultant and she said it could be partly due to his diet and he is going through almost a with drawl. It could be changes to his routine, we changed Church Services and again, the diet. She told me that he should not have any more changes at all for a while...I didn't have the heart to tell her that we will probably be moving in 2 weeks, and he will change schools too...Changing schools really saddens me, I am comfortable where they are, and already developed relationships with their teachers. I think that is my only regret about moving...
Because Edwin was wound up, it got Tobey excited....which meant the simple act of sitting down to help another child with homework, well....it's not going to happen. By the time Eddie got up, I was nearly to the point of wanting to dig a hole to put myself in.
So, here is the update on the diet....I am going to do gluten free only, at least for the time being. First off, the the boys have lead poisoning and one thing that helps take lead out of the system is calcium. Casein free----no DAIRY!!! Also, Edwin has enough change already and he will die without Macaroni and Cheese. And financially it is just a better move. There is also a ton more products geared towards that lifestyle, just easier to shop and cook for. And, most importantly...I am NOT Superwoman....
Well, it must officially be Fall now, our little "Buddy" has been hunting nuts lately. I don't know if I ever told you about Buddy, so here we go....The first day we moved in here, it was the week of Halloween....Eddie went outside to check on something and this crazy squirrel ran out in front of him and stopped Eddie in his tracks. He then started circling Eddie as if to check him out and then finally stopped next to him and stared him down. Eddie just stood there for like 5 minutes...So the next day I got Buddy some peanuts, sat on the porch and waited for him...within 5 minutes the little guy showed up and ate the peanut out of my hand! The kids get the biggest kick out of him, which I see why....he is as cute as could be (he is also now fat). But now he has gotten so spoiled that we will pace our porch waiting for the peanuts.....which he is doing now. I think we have had more conversations on how we can move this silly squirrel with us than how we are going to move a piano. I know that he belongs here, but I will miss him!
Well, that is all in Holstein world today.....have a good one!
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Hitting that wall...
And then, I get an e-mail from our current landlord almost accusing us of making up the lead problem. Now, I can honestly see his side of things....he has yet to receive info from the Health Department about the lead, I don't know what their problem is, we from them ALL the time! I know he is a nice guy, he really is but he is losing his patience with the whole thing.
Meanwhile, the cost of Tobey's medical bills, special diet and the stress of the whole situation has been on our backs....and we just feel kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place.
After, we found out about the lead...it was separated into 2 divisions. The one that we deal with is the nurse (Paige) at the health department. And then the state is supposed to be the ones dealing with the landlord, they are dragging their heels for some unknown reason....So we are stuck, upset landlord, house that is not safe for Tobey and just getting sick of the entire situation....
So, enough of that....time to move on...We attempted with no success the gluten-casein free diet last night. Now, in my mind...I thought that as a family we should ALL go on it. For one, we are a family and I feel like we should try and eat the same meals together. For two, I thought that this may be the perfect way for Eddie and I to lose some weight and teach the kids about healthy eating. So, here is where I realized that I am failing...The food was horrible!!! I mean just really, really bad. Now, it may have been the way I cooked it, but the spaghetti noodles had all the stuff coming off of them and it looked like I was making one of those paper-mache things from Elementary school. 6 of the kids ate it, Edwin who we are doing this for...refused. I do think I may lose weight though, because after seeing that, all I ate was corn.
If Autism has taught me anything, it is to not just give up. So, I will not be defeated by this! I am going to learn to be the best Gluten- Casein Free cook I possibly can. Now, will the whole family eat it? That remains to be seen, but after seeing the cost of the food...I may not push it so hard for the non- Autistics of the household.
I had a meeting with Tobey's teacher yesterday, and I just love her to pieces. She has a son who has Downs and he just turned 18....it was great to talk to her about the teenage years, social issues, and his care now that he is 18. It really opened my eyes about the future with Tobey. I have absolutely no problem with Tobey living with us, but I didn't even think about the social part. So, I will defiantly have to get him in a day program or something.
We also made the decision that we are going to teach Tobey and the rest of us sign-language. Tobey has a machine that talks for him, and helps him show his school work, but now he is in need of something that is not pre-programmed at home. For example....Tobey wants to listen to the Beatles (he is my son), so he hits the button for music...Now, I just turn on the radio, because he said music. Guess what happens? Huge tantrum! He wants the Beatles, in his mind he wants the Beatles...and I play Lady Gaga. So, the machine will be school based, and at home which is a much less structured environment, we will sign.
Since she has been with more Autistics than I have, I asked her about her thoughts on Tobey talking. This is how she put it to me. Tobey is not like a lot of Autistics, in fact I haven't met one like him yet. He is the most loving little guy, which is rare. But on that special occasion when he does talk, it is sometimes a full sentence and that sentence makes total sense. And then you go for days with nothing. Honestly, it is in his court...it is up to him if he is going to talk. So, there it is, I am not giving up on him talking, but I am accepting the fact that we simply need to do something more permanent. I thought that I would feel heart broken about it, but surprisingly I don't. On those rare occasions that I hear that little voice, it melts my heart. But, I just love being with him...and well that is part of Tobey Jude.
Well, I am off to fight another day, I hope that you have a good one!
Monday, September 13, 2010
The Discussion.....
But there is a side you don't see...there is a daily discussion that we try to keep behind locked doors. No, it is not about money, or even the in-laws. It is about Tobey Jude's hair.....
My side, and since it is my blog........
- He is named after Hey Jude, what would John Lennon say about him having a crew cut? That is simply wrong...
- He doesn't like having his hair cut.
- Tobey Jude has probably 10 noticeable scars from his wild head banging days when he was 2. I don't need to see that again.
- He looks downright studly with it....come on people, he is adorable!
- I love to just mess it up before he goes to sleep!
- I love torturing Eddie with it, it drives Eddie nuts to have a son with long hair....Is it because he is losing his own? Hmmm, deep thought there.
Now, I have a slight obsession with why people do things, there is always an underlying issue....So, for the sake of being fair. this is probably the biggest reason for why I won't cut his hair. I am going deep people....
When you see Tobey, the first thought that comes to your mind is...Ohh, he is the cutest little boy ever, but he really needs a hair cut! I think people notice the hair first, not the fact that he is spinning everything, or making weird noises, or doesn't seem to say anything.
Because Tobey cannot speak for himself, sometimes people don't see what an insanely funny and fun little guy he is. One of my favorite things to hear about Tobey, is when people say that he has the greatest sense of humor. Those that have said that, are the ones who have truly "met" my Tobey Jude.
So, much to my husbands dismay the hair will stay, until Tobey tells me to cut it. But for the time being I am his voice and it stays. Eddie will tell me that he is going to start braiding it, the school will ask for rubber bands for Art, people may think he looks like a girl sometimes....but the hair stays!!! I will fight to the death, OK...maybe not to the death, but you get the idea!!!!
I am sure that Eddie will have to put his comment on this....and the discussion continues...
I hope that everyone has a great Monday!! I am off to hide the number to Great Clips.....
Saturday, September 11, 2010
September 11th....then and now...
We were living in Kokomo with 3 kids...Lena, Alison and a 6 month old Edwin. I turned on Dora to quiet Lena down for 20 minutes and because of our remote control issues of being gone...I had to get up and find the channel. Just as I seen the screen, Eddie called me and said what happened. Your heart sank....your mind raced. I distinctly remember looking at Edwin in his 6 month old beauty and wondering what things were going to be like for him.
I remember the September 11th when I stood at a College campus, carrying a baby that I knew would never survive outside of the womb. And my heart was selfishly on myself and in my own worries, and I didn't even pay attention to the prayer or the candle in my hand.
I remember the September 11th when John Ritter died, and my childhood crush was gone....he was adorable, people!
And then there is today. Today we drove to Fort Wayne for the Autism walk. On the way we turned off the radio and had a moment of silence. We let the kids ask a few questions...we didn't have all the answers, no one does. We watched the sun rise in the van, and were in awe of it. We blasted the radio and sang at the top of our lungs....We had several fights over "Emily is touching me"...and "Edwin said I am going to die". Alison added several songs to her growing song list. Lena rolled her eyes several times. Tobey enjoyed the windshield wipers, and Melody took off her shoes and socks several times. We talked about getting them a TV for the van, for the time being I enjoy our time together with no distractions...we'll wait.
The walk was fun and wet, after walking the 6 miles though I am tired. OK, I lied, it was short and excited me even more about Fall. The crowds were not too bad, and they had several resources there I learned about. By the way...I guess if you have a child with Autism, you should live in Fort Wayne...tons of resources there, that we aren't blessed to have here. We took a team photo, but don't expect it to be posted....let's just say that it is the epitome of Autistic artistry...we were tired, wet, stressed with kids running everywhere. By the way, if you ever want a team photo of families of special needs kids and their families...be prepared to find out your patience level. So, all in all we had a good day...
(Insert after school special theme music here) Today I realized that yes we do need to remember the lives that were lost, we should never forget those innocent people...fly your flag at half-staff, light a candle, say a prayer that their family finds some comfort today. But don't focus on it and bring yourself to that dark spot, don't spend the day watching the remembrance stories. Do you know what I think they want for us? They want us to blast our stereos, they want us to go for our dreams, they want us to enjoy our families and not take them for granted, enjoy their love and wake up feeling blessed.
Have a good night, my friends......
Friday, September 10, 2010
It is feeling creepy out there....
There has been no ambulance sirens tonight, which is really odd being a few blocks from the hospital....I have heard several car alarms go off, don't worry...not mine...I have never had an alarm on a car. No one would take it anyway, because eventually they have to put gas in it. The wind is doing this crazy thing with the bush outside the window...and even at midnight I hear the faint playing of the guitar from the music teacher down the road....
Or...going deeper here... but it could just be the uneasy feeling that I get when things are going right in my life. To be honest, things are not always easy for us, 2 sons with Autism...one severe. We are exhausted parent's who seem to always have a fight on our hands, whether it is schools or Dr.s, or bills, it's always something. But besides the whole almost getting towed thing and a minor conflict with Edwin's school, and a problem with Memorial....we have had a good week. Today, we got the news that the house that we prayed for...intensely, could possibly be ours as soon as October 1st! Now, my heart wants me to go for it...and jump on this opportunity. Tobey is not getting any better in this house, lead is no fun. But then tonight the brain took over, and then visions of changing the boys' schedule, putting up new alarms, contacting new neighbors about the boys' issues, switching utilities and schools....and it is overwhelming.
I know that is 20% reality, and probably just 80% being scared. I know that I want to do what is best for my kids, I am just going to have to bite the bullet, stop worrying about everything and as that Nike ad implies..."Just Do It!". Maybe it is my undiagnosed 'tism qualities.
I also know, that Eddie and I are a great team....And whatever we put our minds to 100% we can achieve the impossible. That we have been through tougher things and we will prevail!
****Side note****If this blog is making no sense I apologize, it is 12:15 in the morning, and I am probably doing this more as a pep talk for myself...I should probably start a diary.
So, anyway....I am going to take a step of faith and go for the house! And I am going to pray that the schools are just as awesome, we will have enough energy to make it through a move with 7 kids, the finances will be there, and I keep my sanity!
So, Friday was a great day....besides the house news, we have 2 legally plated and insured vehicles ( every time I say vehicle in my mind, it sounds like the Rose City guy) possibly a first in Holstein history!!! And I had lunch with a friend Sarah, we had adult conversation...which was great! Tobey had a little speech tonight, which always makes my day...he also kissed me out of the blue. I watched a comedy special with Eddie and we laughed until we cried...And the kids were very happy with their hot dog dinner.
So, now I am off to try and sleep or find a Golden Girls episode...see you later.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
I am the Bad Neighbor!!!!!!
Now, I have my reason's or I guess you could say excuses for being like this.....First off I have 7 kids that keep me busy with just the inside of the house. Community events are tough not only for a large family, but are really tough for the boys'. But, since we keep to ourselves mainly, the neighbors have out up with our quirky ways...like blasting the stereo on Sunday mornings and the McDonald's trash that falls out of our vehicle every time we get out.
All of them except for the lady down the road...she doesn't like one of our bushes, I tore it down...She can't stand one of our strays, I keep it here. But today, she went a little far...
As you know we got a rather large distinctive vehicle...it by all accounts looks like an ambulance and really sticks out in our neighborhood of Prius' and Volvo's. So, the lady down the road (I am about 90% positive it was her) called the police and said that the vehicle was not to be here and was abandoned. We got out just in time to save "Rock and Roll" (Emily named it) from being towed. Now, here is the part that irritates me...the police had been told that the vehicle was abandoned over a week and a half ago, when we got her on Sunday afternoon. And, now the cop has informed us that we can't park the van there because of the stop sign on our property!!!
I have never personally egged a person's house, to be honest I never felt the need. But today I looked at the 48 pack of toilet paper from Sam's club and I thought long and hard about it. But since we are doing this series from Church about being a bad neighbor It would be slightly hypocritical of me...Since this has me so irked off though, would it be wrong if I encouraged the kids to do it? Probably...the thought is still running in my mind though.
So, that was my day today....we are finally feeling better as a household from the colds that we suffered through, and I just may make dinner tonight!
So, now I will leave you with the cute kid story of the day. Emily and Melody are constantly putting pillowcases on their heads. I thought they were playing ghosts. So, today when Melody came out to show me that she had enclosed herself in a Dora pillowcase, I acted scared and started yelling that there was a ghost in the kitchen. Melody pulled the pillowcase off and looked at me like I was an idiot and said "I am not a ghost Mama, I a pillow". Ah, the innocence of a 3 year old!
Have a good day!
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
The Holstein News....
I did have a good day yesterday. I have decided that the laundromat is my new best friend....I got ALL our laundry done in 3 hours, which is huge! And Eddie got to play with the wheelchair lift to load up the laundry, it's a win-win for everybody! I had a lunch date with my dear friend Lorinda, we decided that we are going to torture Eddie by making him go apple picking! So, that will be fun! Have I ever told you that Tobey's first word was apple? He loves the things!
Melody's little forehead is looking great! I no longer have flashbacks looking at it. Today she is taking it easy watching Disney all day, and trying to cuddle with her Daddy, who is sound asleep to the world.
Emily, who looks very cute in her new haircut, (thanks Buffy) is not a very good patient and running around the house like mad, until she wants to collapse.
Tobey, has been very vocal the past 2 days. He was extremely vocal at 2 am, this morning when he must have come to the conclusion that the household should be awake with him! After finally getting everyone else back to sleep, I finally came to the conclusion that Tobey simply hates sleeping! I love that dude more than life...but this is getting old really quick!
Olivia is doing great with her new earrings, her ears are still attached even with all of Lena's grim predictions! She has decided that her next pair of earrings will be Tinkerbell, good girl!
I had a conference with Edwin's teacher yesterday, it went very well. It seems like all the stuff that got him in major trouble at his old school is almost embraced as just his individual spirit here. I love this new school! Quick cute story about Edwin. I guess that while we were at support group the other day, Edwin took a pen in the bathroom and drew the characters from Adventure Time on his butt as a tattoo. Now, believe it or not, this even though funny, didn't really phase me. But the next thing did shock me, when I asked him about it....he started pulling down his pants right there to show me! So, if he does it again, please don't ask him about it....unless you want a show!
Alison had her first kiss with her boyfriend Kevin, well kinda. When I say kiss, he kissed her on the cheek...when I say boyfriend...he gave her a silly band! Very cute and very innocent and better stay that way!
Lena is till in love with that Gaizer guy....I am sure that I spelled that wrong, anyway...I am not sure about the whole continuing thing. I like it much better when they switched every day! You know, today I love Tom, next day it's Dave! Much less stressful on a parent.
The hubby is struggling some with work...the problem is he is not a mean guy, and sometimes you just have to be! It is really starting to way on him! I will probably try and make him a nice dinner tonight while trying not to keel over from being sick as a dog! Too be honest...I will probably throw in a frozen pizza, but it will be nice to at least have the dream of being a good wife!
Have a good day!
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Melissa's thoughts at 5 in the morning.....
So, if you seen my Facebook yesterday, Tobey Jude said "Mommy", Eddie was holding him at the time and asked him if he wanted Mommy, and then he said it, in his beautiful voice. I scooped him up and kissed him and told him that he was getting extra presents for Christmas. To be honest, I wanted to cry....but I held back so I could enjoy every moment. Tobey also played the piano last night for us for about an hour which was nice. I am not sure how far he is going to come with the talking. I may never hear him say "Mommy" again. But I heard it once and I am am very thankful for it!
I came to the realization last night that the "new" van is perfect for us. I have fought for so many years getting one. I love having a big family, I have came to the conclusion that I must shop at Sam's club, that I will always have more laundry than I can ever even imagine to finish. But, getting the "church" van, was just something I fought. I think it was because I try to remain an individual, and not go with the crowd. I stress this to my children all the time, so getting a van that every other large family in the world has seemed nuts! Well, guess what I am putting it in print....I love the van.
- Tobey is by a window, but not a door. The little guy loves looking out, but he also loves messing with the door handle!
- It has legal brake lights!
- We are not packed in like sardines.
- The wheelchair lift, even though it is not staying....is fun to ride!
- I snicker every time I see the pole, which is staying.
- There is not another van in St. Joe county that looks like this.
- It is a safe vehicle.....How do I know this? The red and orange stripes are reflective.....oh yeah.....
- The kids think it is the best vehicle in the world!
- I can use the van accessible handicap spaces without feeling guilty!
- The owners manual has instructions to convert it into an ambulance....side job maybe? (that is a joke, by the way!)
So, my fears of conforming to the typical large family are now gone. Because the van is an original, just like us!
We had a great weekend as usual, just busy....On Friday we took Emily and Melody to Buffy's where Buffy finished off a haircut that Emily had given herself. And, then we had lunch with 2 of my favorite people on earth....Sam and Kelly, we went to Logan's and had actual adult conversation!!! It was great even though I do not recommend the grilled meatloaf. We then took Tobey for more blood work, he was very brave...and dare I say getting used to it...kinda sad. We then took Melody to get stitch removal...Now without getting into full detail on this...I am very thankful that I have my dearest friend Lorinda, and a little upset with Memorial. Anyway, Melody is looking great, and is the bravest 3 year old I have ever seen! On Saturday, Eddie had to work but we had our final growth group with a carry in. Now we are going to an official once a month group, very excited about it and bursting with ideas! Sunday, we went to Church and picked up the van, and then visited my Dad and bravely took 7 kids to Blueberry Fest. We had a great time, but the crowds were intense. I heard a comment that I was holding on to Tobey to tight from a guy who needed a haircut, smoking a cigarette. I thought about saying something to him and realized that he was not worth my time! So, that was the weekend....
Today is filled with the joys of laundry and cleaning...but I am going to lunch with Lorinda, so that will be a nice break! Have a good one everyone!
Monday, September 6, 2010
Is that a red stripe, or an orange stripe...?
Thursday, September 2, 2010
I have a girl finally.....
I don't have that many memories of my Mom, but I do remember when I was 5 she peirced my ears, it was painful and probably not that sanitary because she did it with a safety pin and an icecube.
But yesterday as we were walking into Wal-Mart, Olivia looked up at me and asked me if she could get her ears pierced...I almost ran in the store! I have been waiting forever to get the girl's ears pierced. Lena and Alison, if I may say are kinda wimps. They have no desire, and since I have that new age parenting technique of letting them make their own decisions about their body....I could not force them to put holes in them.
I looked at Eddie and said I am taking her now to get it done! Before she could chicken out, I showed her all the earrings that she could pick from, birthstones, that boring ball one, little hearts. She finally decided on the topaz birthstone ones that came with a free necklace. Now, Olivia's birthstone is actually Garnet, but she said that she is more of a blue kind of girl. She sat bravely in the chair and held my hand and they did both at the same time. She did not cry, or even jump...very brave girl.
Olivia was giddy with excitement, and I realized then that this may be one of the first time that she got to have a "first". When you are 1 of 7, it is hard not to do something that one of the other's had not done already. There is not much that Eddie and I as parent's haven't seen yet.
When she came home she showed the earrings to her big sisters'. Lena, being Lena explained how Olivia could get an infection. Alison acted nonchalant about the whole thing but you could tell she was a little jealous!
Now, here is something that you may not know about Olivia....she thrives on a strict, I mean STRICT routine. Maybe a touch of the 'tism? I don't know.....But, this kid wants definite times to clean her ears, to turn the earrings, the calendar marked of the day she can put in new earrings (Oct.12) and when she can sleep a night without earrings (in March, before Disney). She has already explained to me that she can't wear hoops because of Tobey(smart girl) and how she wants nothing that is wore by people on TV, because everyone wears those....
So, Olivia finally has a "first" and I have finally got the bonding experience, so that was a good day!
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
I need to start writing this down....
Today, we took Emily and Melody with their Aunt Terri for a girls day out, and had a great time. We went to Target to get their matching clothes and shoes, and then to Once Upon A Child for the jeans and shirts for everyday. I let them pick out their own clothes, and they did pretty good....but a few things look like they are rejects from some 70's film! If you go to our Church, you will see them Sunday. Emily already informed me that they were wearing the smurf blue hippy looking outfits that day...complete with tights! We had lunch at Panera, which I don't know why I even buy them food at that place, they never eat it! We went to get their haircuts. Do you remember when Emily gave Melody the mullet? Well, Great Clips did....we were in hopes of growing her hair out, but as we got into the haircut....we noticed Emily had done it again! I am getting a feeling that Great Clips thinks I don't put any of my scissors away. I do, and here is my proof....Edwin has not stabbed us yet! So, Melody is back to the super short hair again and Emily got layers.
Melody is still doing fine...I cannot wait until we get the stitches out. Every time I see her move I worry that she is going to fall over and hurt herself. Unfortunately, the kid is one of my more accident prone children. Yesterday she fell off our dining room chair, today she flipped her chair backwards at Panera. This was her first time with stitches...it will not be her last. Short of putting her in a padded room, yelling at her every three seconds...she is a kid and going to get hurt.
Also some sad news....According to Emily we have to switch Churches. If Eddie and I work at Kids Kanyon we stay for both services. Now, Emily doesn't mind the 2 snacks, 2 worship services and 2 games. However she does not like having the same craft twice. So, at the second service they gave her a craft and she looked at the guide and simply said "Again?" the guide cracked up and Emily hid under the table. When we asked her why she was under the table she informed us that we need to go to a different Church because she doesn't like doing craft twice! Sorry, Emily...we are not leaving. We are starting a 5:30 service so she should not have to endure 2 craft times....this should please her. The life of a 4 year old.
Well, that is all today....I hope you have a great day....see you tomorrow!